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Things That Should Not Be: The Privacy Scarf

November 3, 2009

For a while, I thought I lied to you when I said I had found the most idiotic product ever conceived, the Motorized Ice Cream Cone.  But I hadn’t lied.  The MoROn (Motorized Ice Cream Cone) is so far the most useless item I’ve reviewed, but The Privacy Scarf (which I guess has a use, no matter how inane) is the most visually stupid.  You seriously have to look at this.  I can say this without hyperbole: the Privacy Scarf is the most ridiculous product I have ever seen.  You know it is, too, so don’t even try to convince me or yourself that it’s not.  No sessions at your local hookah bar with philosophy professors debating the meaning of “ever,” or if it is possible to call something the “-est” you have ever seen/heard/etc., due to the unreliable nature of memory.  This is, in fact, the silliest-looking, most derisive-laughter-generating product ever to hit the market.

The Privacy Scarf is an accessory that offers multi-media viewing privacy while in the public sphere.  If you’d like to check out Soul Calibur IV hentai discreetly while waiting for the bus, the Privacy Scarf is your thing.  Yep, just slap it on and no one will notice besides everyone within 100 feet because you’ll look like an extraterrestrial physically absorbing human technology through your face.  If you’re a techno-geek who doesn’t care what other people think…well obviously you do care or you wouldn’t try to hide your Hayden Panettiere YouTube clips by wearing an NFL replay camera curtain.  It’s fitting that you’re trying to find nip-slip screen shots of Mystique, because you kind of look like Cyclops, if Cyclops shot sweat-pant-rays from his eyes instead of optical energy blasts.

You can avoid having to use the Privacy Scarf by

  1. Sitting with your back against a hard, opaque surface.  Whatever type of viewing space you’re looking at, turn the screen away from people.
  2. Not watching embarrassing stuff in a public space.  Watch it at home.  It’s unlikely you have roommates anyway.

If you’re looking at material that requires a Privacy Scarf, it’s probably accompanied by interesting sounds.  I don’t see a covered Privacy Scarf Earphone Port in the picture, but I assume this and other accessories and add-ons are in development.  I’ll keep you posted.

More Things That Should Not Be:

Textees
Motorized Ice Cream Cone
Underwater Cell Phone
Aspray
The Snuggie for Dogs

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    November 4, 2009 11:11 am

    What a sad commentary.
    -1. I wonder how many they’ve sold (not “I wonder if they’ve sold any”).
    -2. I want one.

    • David permalink
      November 5, 2009 11:22 am

      Dear Matt Shor,

      Your article was hilarious, so much so that I had to periodically stop and wipe the tears from my eyes. Thank you for making my day better.

      -David in NC

      • Matt Shorr permalink*
        November 5, 2009 8:24 pm

        Thank you for the kind words, David. Even though we may enlighten, inform, and even anger here at The Brown Tweed Society, our main goal is to entertain. Glad to have done so.

  2. Nicki permalink
    June 20, 2010 3:03 pm

    I, too, periodically stopped to wipe tears. I do mean this literally. It took me much longer to read the article because I was laughing so hard. Also, I love the website’s description of the product…”Could also be called the “I’m watching porn in public scarf” or the “I’m required to stay out of schools, parks and other places children congregate scarf”

    You are right. That could inarguably be the stupid”est” product ever.

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