The Entertation Index: December 6
Hathaway, Anne — The star of the upcoming sure-to-be-smash Les Miserables is refusing to talk about the diet she used to look dangerously thin for the film by saying that she’s afraid there are too many people out there willing to try something “unhealthy” to lose weight. Our sources, however, tell us she’s reluctant to talk because her diet includes a lot of stolen loaves of bread. These are Les Miserables jokes, people! Get thee behind me!
Link: Anne Hathaway on Why She Won’t Address Her Les Miserables Diet (Yahoo News)
Joe, Bazooka — After over fifty years, famous one-eyed child Bazooka Joe and his pals are out of a job after the Topps company has decided to discontinue the hilarious comics which wrapped its classic Bazooka Bubble Gum. When reached for comment, Bazooka executives said that their trademark bubble gum is like a train, one’s a choo-choo and one’s a chew-chew (joke courtesy of Bazooka Joe Comics #4213).
Link: Bazooka Bubble Gum is Killing Its Tiny Comics (NPR)
Lopez, Mario — The former Saved by the Bell actor and
prize-winning journalist married his baby mama Courtney Mazza in Mexico Saturday. If you missed this news, you can catch the photos of the wedding in next week’s People Magazine or watch the TLC show Mario & Courtney’s Wedding Fiesta, all about the wedding. What, you thought these people do things like get married because they love and want to share their feelings privately with each other? Oh, you’re so silly and adorable.
Link: Mario Lopez Marries in Mexico (SF Gate)
Middleton, Kate — According to sources within Buckingham Palace, Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton is apparently at least twelve weeks pregnant. The news came after paparazzi caught her on camera being rushed to a local hospital with morning sickness (because when normal women have morning sickness, they just have to tough it out on their own bathroom floors), and a confirmation came shortly afterward that the new couple are expecting. Odds on names currently sit at the following: Catherine, 5-1; Rose, 12-1; Margaret, 20-1; Ming Li; Pragmaparamita, 325-1; 250-1; Taneesha, 500-1. These odds are subject to change.
Link: Kate Middleton is Less Than 12 Weeks Pregnant (Daily Beast)
Octomom — Nadya Suleman, better known as “The Octomom” after she made a desperate bid to become famous by having a bunch of babies only to have everyone discover she’s a horrible person, has reportedly been shocked to discover she’s been nominated by four Adult Video Network Awards for her self-pleasuring video released earlier this year. It’s certainly a twist to have Suleman as a contender, as normally winners of these awards are famous for letting multiple people go into their bodies.
Link: Nadya Suleman “Blown Away” By Porn Award Nomination (Huffington Post)
Sedaris, David — If you’re like us, you sure do love some David Sedaris. A lot. So since it’s the holiday season, let’s get the December festivities started off right with the Me Talk Pretty One Day author singing Silent Night as Billie Holliday. Sound good to you? Good then. Let’s do it. Enjoy.
Link: David Sedaris as Billie Holliday Sings “Silent Night” (YouTube)