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The Entertation Index: June 2

June 2, 2009

Baldwin, Stephen – If there’s ever been an argument for deforestation, it’s that a Costa Rican jungle is prime for burning to the ground when Sanjaya, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Janice Dickinson, and Stephen Baldwin are inhabiting it. But born-again Baldwin feels the fly-by-night reality show will be a perfect opportunity to minister to godless mess Dickinson. I smell Biodome II!

Link: Stephen Baldwin: I’ll Minister to Janice Dickinson (Hollywood Outbreak)

Bear, Masturbating – Though it was thought that the self-abusing character couldn’t survive Conan O’Brien’s move to 11:30’s Tonight Show, the New York Daily News hints that perennial fave The Masturbating Bear has been cleared by censors to frighten and confuse grandmothers across the nation. 

Link: Conan O’Brien Bringing Familiar Tricks to “Tonight Show” Gig (NY Daily News)

Cohen, Sascha Baron – As flamboyant Austrian fashionista Bruno, Cohen descended from the ceiling of the MTV Movie Awards Sunday Night to land awkwardly in a grouchy Eminem’s lap. If it was staged, it was beautifully done. If not, that makes the score “handpuppet 1, Englishman 1, Eminem 0.”

Link and Video: Eminem Performs at MTV Movie Awards, Meets Bruno’s Crotch (Rolling Stone)

Eminem – see: Cohen, Sascha Baron

Garbage, Children Sifting Through – Beginnings Nursery School in New York’s Union Square hauls bags full of trash to its fourth floor studio, where four and five year-olds manufacture their own artistic masterpieces and, assumably, give us a greater understanding as to why more cases of the Swine Flu have been reported in the Big Apple than anywhere else in the country.

Link: At Manhattan Nursery School, Found Objects are Art Material for Toddlers (NY Times)

News, Autotune the –  Finally, an evening news that the cashier at Aeropostale can get behind. Brooklyn musician Michael Gregory cribs T-Pain’s inimitable style toward the evening news. Next up: Brian Williams “sexting” today’s headlines? 

Link: Auto-Tune the News (Newsweek)

Mom, Octo – You knew it was coming. Weird-lipped mother of octuplets Nadya Suleman has inked a reality show deal with a production company based out of Amsterdam, in what we can only assume is in correlation with the Dutch city’s “We Continue to be the Most Morally Bankrupt City in the World” advertising campaign. No American network has yet picked up the show, which may or may not feature five month-olds facing off in grueling competitions for immunity from child protective services.

Link: Octuplet Mom Lands Reality Deal (Hollywood Reporter)

Reunion, Beatles – Finally! Wait. Not really. Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr took the stage together Monday at Microsoft’s Electronic Entertainment Expo to promote the release of The Beatles’ special edition of Rock Band. Yes, Yoko was there too, presumably trying to break up the presentation by seducing Ringo. Is a future Macca/Starr collaboration in the works? Smells like a recipe for success — I’ve seen countless drummer/singer combos outside the subway, and those guys have hats full of money.

Link: Paul and Ringo Come Together to Promote Videogame (Huffington Post)

Waldo, Where’s – Universal Entertainment continues to take, well, anything that comes along for its upcoming film ideas, announcing that it has acquired the rights to the children’s book for transition into a live-action feature. That makes a lot of sense. If there’s anything sizzling hot right now, it’s the Where’s Waldo? books.

Link: Where’s Waldo? Heading to Theaters (Entertainment Weekly)

One Comment
  1. thyholytaint permalink
    June 2, 2009 11:32 am

    Amsterdam morally bankrupt? No way dudes! More like the most morally solvent city in the world. Weed is where its at! The wave of the future. Imagine, a pharmaceutical with endless medical applications, plus it gets you high! Mana from the gods I say.

    Also, the women can’t be naked in the windows in the red light district anymore. They have to wear bikinis. Don’t worry. You can still get your areola fix, aka, the ‘ola fix, without paying b/c most tops are see-through.

    That Octo mom does have some sassy lips though, and by sassy I mean large and fake looking.

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