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And The 2009 Air Sex World Champion Is…

June 28, 2009

There isn’t one yet, which you’d know if you had been keeping up on this.  The preliminary events ended today, and the ASWC Finals date and time are TBA.  You can buy tickets.  Seriously.

Oh, I’m sorry, you’ve never heard of Air Sex?  Well, it’s like Air Guitar, but way more awesome, or disturbing, or both.  And like most things sort-of-cool but creepy, it was invented in Japan by a bunch of guys without girlfriends who decided to make a spectacle of it and put it on YouTube (depending on where you work, this may not be safe for it).

As with other weird stuff from Japan, Americans picked up quickly on Air Sex and started their own competitions.  The 2008 Air Sex World Championships, limited to the Austin, TX, area, were “won” by a contestant named Sad Larry.  This year, though, the stakes are much higher: the 21-day, 15-city North American Tour feeder contests—held mostly in bars, oddly—just wrapped up.  It started in Austin, ended in Tucson, and hit Chicago, NYC, and several California cities, unsurprisingly.  Also not surprising: the Salt Lake City competition was cancelled after the Utah Alcoholic Beverage Commission considered it a “lewd act” and threatened to pull the venue’s liquor license.  Jesus, Utah.  You haven’t won anything in a long time (an NCAA Football championship 25 years ago; no NBA, MLS, NCAA baseball or basketball trophies ever), so at least give Utahns a chance to be proud of something.

The Americans will pose a serious challenge for the Japanese, who, because they’re so obsessed with this type of craziness, must be represented for the title of World’s Best Air Sexer to have any credibility.  Yes, a lot of the newer Johnny-Come-Fakely contestants are hard to watch—call it Err Sex?  But hardened competitors like Caveman Sex, Bangtown, Bjorn to Fuck, Ham Grenade, Mega Schlong, Cervical Strike, and Slut Truffle (yes, women do it, too) are all quite experienced and won’t go down easily.  My money, though, is on Classic C, a Charlie Chaplin-inspired Air Sexer who gives new meaning to “The Great Dictator”.

So keep reading The Brown Tweed Society for ASWC details.  You know you’ll watch it.

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