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Let the Circle Be Unbroken: Kevin Jonas of The Jonas Brothers Engaged

July 3, 2009

I thought I’d have more time to rip on the Jonas Brothers and their purity pledges, but it looks like Kevin, The Elder Jonas, has preempted me.  He popped the question (no, not “Does anal count?”) this week to his girlfriend, Danielle Deleasa.  According to Jonas, Deleasa replied with “‘yes, yes, yes’ like 500 times super fast in a row”, probably realizing that even with a prenup she’s gonna be set for life.  By the way, that quote comes from an interview with Jonas that People desperately wants you to know is “exclusive”.  Great work, People, you really got the scoop with that one.

Deleasa was apparently too stunned by the proposal to notice the ginormous ring Jonas gave her.  (Nicely played, Danielle!)  Jonas, who co-designed the ring with jewelry firm Jacob & Co., specified “a three-carat cushion-cut diamond set in platinum above double shank band with 210 round pave diamonds.”  I don’t know what the hell that means, but as a numbers guy I do know that 1 + 210 = 211.  211 freakin’ diamonds.  Camp Rock indeed.

Now the real questions, Kevin:

  1. Does a purity ring really mean you have to wait until the actual marriage?  I mean, now that you’re engaged and you know you’re getting married, isn’t that pretty much the same thing?  Can’t you jump the gun a little?
  2. Are you going to tell your bros how awesome sex with a hot girl is?  You should probably keep it to yourself, or next week we might hear about 16-year-old Nick’s engagement.
  3. The purity ring says you’ll save it for marriage, but does it say for whom?  If not, that little loophole might let you, um, enjoy life on the road a little more, nawmsayin?
  4. Are you sure you all aren’t the band from That Thing You Do?

No excuses now, Kevbo.  It’s on.  You say you haven’t set a date, but I bet it’s sooner rather than later.  Dive in.  Take the plunge.  Taste the rainbow.  Unleash the beast.  But be careful to take it easy on the poor lady.  She may think she knows what’s she’s in for, but I doubt she’s married a virgin rock star before.

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