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The Entertation Index: July 3

July 3, 2009

Asteroids: The Movie — Attention, hard-working would-be Hollywood scribes! Why slave over a unique script when you can just have a simple, no-brainer concept gift-wrapped for you? Universal Studios, which is buying the movie rights to anything with a name, has just won an inexplicable four-studio bidding war to turn the 1979 Atari video game Asteroids into a feature film, and they just handed the idea over to screenwriter Matthew Lopez (Bedtime Stories, Race to Witch Mountain) to write a script from scratch. Oh, I do hope it includes asteroids! And the destruction thereof!

Link: “Asteroids” lands at Universal (Hollywood Reporter

Bay, Michael — The Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen director patted his own back and stabbed Megan Fox in hers during a recent Wall Street Journal interview, where he not only heralds himself for making Will Smith, Ben Affleck, Martin Lawrence and Nicholas Cage major stars, but also chides Megan Fox for the fact that “she says some very ridiculous things.” Things like, I assume, “Transformers is a great movie,” “There’s more to me than just my beauty,” and “Someday I’ll win an Oscar.”

Link: Michael Bay on Transformers, Megan Fox and More (Wall Street Journal)

Hedren, Tippi — If you recall actress Tippi Hedren from her harrowing turn in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, you may also be delighted to know that Tippi Hedren apparently is also completely insane. How insane, you ask? Hedren adopted Michael Jackson’s tigers, Thriller and Sabu, in 2005 — and visited them on her private reserve last week to telephathically inform the pair  that the singer had passed away, in a conversation which likely began by Hedren projecting the thought “Thriller, Sabu, Michael Jackson has died,” and concluding with the tigers thinking back “That’s it, you crazy old bag…just keep thinking you’re ‘connected’ enough to touch us. Go on. Step in here.”

Link: Tippi Hedren Tells Michael Jackson’s Former Pet Tigers of His Death (Guardian)

Lady GaGa — The singer/songwriter of the moment compared herself to Andy Warhol in a recent interview with Maxim magazine, detailing the ways in which Warhol used commercialism to sell a creative product and referring to her own electro-dance music as “soulless.” GaGa also spoke on her skimpy, revealing outfits, stating “Everybody wants me to show my vagina to the world, and I don’t have to.” Finally, Lady GaGa and I agree on something. You will not get me to show my vagina, Atlantic Monthly!

Link: Lady GaGa: “My Music is Soulless” (Digitalspy)

the Sailor Man, Popeye — American artist and sculptor Jeff Koons’ latest London gallery is entitled “the Popeye Series” and, in addition to giant sculptures based upon the cartoon’s characteristic cast, also features “dense, realist paintings of Popeye holding his can of spinach or smoking his pipe.” In other news, be sure to come check out my new gallery opening, which features some pictures I traced from coloring books and a series of Van Halen logos I sketched on trapper keepers and desktops when I was in the sixth grade. Copyright infringement is so hot right now.

Link: Koons and a Sailor Man in London (New York Times)

Robsten — I’m going to be honest. I have no interest in Robert Pattinson, or Kristen Stewart, or whether they’re dating or whatever. But I was looking around E!’s website (because I am awesome) and kept seeing enigmatic stories about someone named “Robsten.” I finally realized that not only is this the name that not only E! has coined for the Stewart/Pattinson romance, but that they clearly refuse to call the couple by any other name. When I realized I had no interest in this, my first thought was that I must be getting older. My second thought was one of pure pity for Ted Casablanca of E!, because he obviously cares. A lot.

Link: Robsten Fanvids: Too Weird for Words? (E! Online)

Slater, Christian — the former Heathers star is in talks to star in a new ABC fall television program called  The Forgotten, which I just learned is a Jerry Bruckheimer-helmed crime drama, and not, as I previously thought, a reality show about Christian Slater.

Link: Christian Slater in Talks to Front Bruckheimer Drama (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

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