The Entertation Index: July 6

Bon Jovi, Jon — A Huffington Post Editor recounts her Fourth of July Holiday tale, in which singer Jon Bon Jovi grabbed the guitar at a posh Hamptons eatery and performed an impromptu concert for the eatery’s patrons. His playlist may or may not have included food-related hits Glaze of Glory, Livin’ on a Pear, and Never Say Good Pie.  I’m so sorry, everyone. 

Link: Bon Jovi Throws Impromptu 4th of July Concert (Huffington Post) 

DiMaggio, Joe — On the anniversary of the two-month hot streak that made baseball legend DiMaggio famous, the Wall Street Journal examines whether the hot streak was an accurate portrayal of DiMaggio’s talents or a simple statistical anomaly which shotgunned the famed Yankee by a random fluke which took an already high existing skill to the next level, based on a current study by scientists at Cornell University. You may remember other recent Cornell studies into the science of fame, including “The Preponderance of Whammies and Their Inherent Parody of Figures From Current Events,”  “The Probability of Hollywood Bartenders on Reality Television,” and “Isolating the Common Gene Missing by Most Contestants of The Real World.”

Link: Was Joe DiMaggio’s Hitting Streak a Fluke? (Wall Street Journal)

Grint, Rupert — One of the stars of the upcoming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Grint has taken three days off the promotion of the upcoming movie after it’s been revealed that Grint has contracted swine flu. Nothing a magic spell of Mexicus Evicticus can’t cure, right?

Link: “Harry Potter” Star Rupert Grint Has Swine Flu (Entertainment Weekly)

Hilton, Paris — The London Paper has revealed that famous-for-nothing Paris Hilton has dumped world-famous soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo, citing that she “would not just be a football player’s wife,” and that she “just wouldn’t want to be pigeonholed like that.” Hilton then excused herself from the interview, as she was late for her four o’clock appointment to be “pigeonholed” by the crew of the U.S.S. Arkansas. 

Link: Paris Dumped Ronaldo Because “She Didn’t Want to be a WAG” (The London Paper)

Holmes, Katie — Tom Cruise’s imprisoned wife has taken time out from blinking out S.O.S. in morse code to the press to appear on an upcoming episode of Fox’s So You Think You Can Dance. Her appearance, geared to raise money for Holmes’ charity for dancers who can’t afford training, may or may not be the star’s artistic interpretation of Xenu’s charge of the Galactic Confederacy, and may or may not end with a giant curtain being thrown over her as Xenu absolves her into space and away from the earth — or at least into a protection program as her new alter-ego “Brenda Martinez” of Wichita Falls. Your secret’s safe with us, Katie!

Link: Holmes to Perform on “So You Think You Can Dance” (USA Today)

Jackson, Michael — 8,750 Michael Jackson fans have been selected by lottery to attend the singer’s Tuesday memorial service in Los Angeles at the Staples Center, which will only allow 11,000 attendees. Because there’s no better way to celebrate a singer timeless artist like Jackson’s life than to randomly dole out passes to the event in the same way one might win a “Split the Pot” at a local high school basketball game or a Burger King “Win Whoppers for a Year” scratch off ticket contest. Classy.

Link: Jackson Fans Selected By Lottery for Memorial (Canadian Broadcasting Company)

Sharpton, Al — The Reverend Sharpton, during his current tour of inserting himself into all Michael Jackson news and teaming with the not-at-all beloved Joe Jackson, is currently rallying for the US Postal Service to issue a commemorative Michael Jackson stamp. Sharpton is also criticizing the media for “trying to destroy the legacy of Jackson,” adding, “just everyone keep your cameras on me. Seriously. Please, please keep your cameras on me. At all times. Please. I’m begging you.”

Link: Sharpton Wants Michael Jackson Stamp, Media to Back Off (E! Online)

Who, Doctor — Rumors swirl that the BBC and Doctor Who star David Tennant are set to reveal a movie based on the 46 year-0ld English series at 2009’s upcoming Comic-Con. More excited about the news are British doctors, who maintain that a Doctor Who movie may bring Doctor Who fans out of their basements and into sunlight for the first time in 46 years, though they warn longtime fans about muscles which may have atrophied since 1971.

Link: Tennant Could Bring Who Movie News to Comic-Con (Wired)