The Entertation Index: July 7

DeWitt, Joyce — Actress Joyce DeWitt, who played pseudo-lesbian Janet Wood on the seventies staple sitcom Three’s Company, was cited and jailed for drunk driving in Southern California, where tequila is hers and hers and…hers, I guess. After DeWitt drove past designated police barricades, arresting officers decided that the El Segundo Detention Facility was a “lovable space that needed her face.”

Link: “Three’s Company” Star Cited for Drunken Driving (Associated Press)

Hooker, T.J. — Early eighties cop drama will get the Tinseltown treatment as a script has been ordered for Aaron Spelling’s  T.J. Hooker. The actioner, which starred a much younger though still terrible William Shatner, is being penned the same pair of Hollywood screenwriters currently tackling the much clamored-for Short Circuit remake (thank God they’re making that, right?). Upon hearing the news, original Hooker co-star Adrian Zmed pulled his perfectly coiffed hair, and head, from inside the gas oven of his studio apartment and called the homeless street hustler currently acting as his agent. We’ll try to put in a good word for you, Adrian!

Link: “T.J. Hooker” Will Patrol Bigscreen (Variety)

Michael Jackson, Biography of — Following the King of Pop’s death, two Chinese writers worked non-stop for 48 hours to complete the first “instant biography” of Michael Jackson, even though the duo had never met him personally. The biography is entitled Moonwalk in Paradise, a title which narrowly beat out other front-runners Super Dance Man with Sparkle Hand Flies to Sky and Oh No! Your Nose to Change Like Butterfly, Elf-Being! You Will Now Smell Harder!

LInk: Chinese Pen Instant Michael Jackson Biography (Reuters)

Michael Jackson, Ghost of — Many claim to have seen the spectre of Michael Jackson roaming the hallways of Neverland Ranch when an anomaly appeared to be captured on tape during a recent Larry King Live tour of the mansion. King then proceeded to have a twenty-minute one-sided conversation with the shadowy figure, who he believed to be the long-promised messenger sent to deliver valuable information to him by Aztec serpent-god Quetzalcoatl, pausing only for a brief message from Bowflex. 

Link: Michael Jackson: Ghost in the Mirror (New York Post)

Michael Jackson, Memorial for — Tuesday’s Staples Center event to celebrate Jackson’s life coincides with preparations for the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus, scheduled to open at the venue on Wednesday. While circus spokespeople have assured memorial staff and organizers that Tuesday morning’s planned procession of elephants into the facility shouldn’t affect the memorial service, they do warn attendees to watch for giant, steaming piles of Al Sharpton’s rhetoric.

Link: Elephants to Crash Staples Before Jackson Memorial (Associated Press)

Michaels, Bret — The former Poison frontman and playground for a host of exotic diseases was involved in an accident on a Canadian highway over the weekend when an oncoming vehicle slid into his tour bus and caused a multi-car pileup. Michaels left the scene unhurt since, as is often the case in his VH1 Rock of Love episodes, he was surrounded  by airbags. Dirty, dirty airbags.

However, in many countries, traditionally in the testing hepatitis A, a failure to diagnose and treat lowers the chance of containment.

Link: Bret Michaels’ Tour Bus Hit By a Car on the Fourth of July (L.A. Times)

Nova — The perennial PBS science program Nova threw eggheaded viewers for a loop last week when it detailed the history and science behind the musical auto-tuning software which proven a hitmaker for rapper T-Pain and others . Not to be outdone, MTV’s popular reality series 16 and Pregnant featured an elderly but still spry Slim Goodbody pointing out fetuses and a very drunken Jim Lehrer did body shots off a Real World: Cancun cast member while throwing up rock hands.

Link: “Nova” Explains Auto-Tune, PBS-style (Entertainment Weekly)

View-Master, Movie Based On — Fringe co-producer and writer Brad Caleb Kane revealed yesterday on Twitter that he’s been tapped to write a feature film for Dreamworks based on the popular “View-Master” toy from the 1960’s and 70’s. I thought I already saw this movie, which seemed to show still images of unanimated figures, and it was called “Any Movie Freddie Prinze Jr. Has Ever Made.”

Link: Brad Caleb Kane Writing View-Master Movie? (slashfilm)