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A Muggle No More: My Potter Cherry So Feverishly Popped

July 19, 2009

For the past ten years, the world at large has been rapt in a furious, steamy love affair with small children and wizards. Yeah, it’s fucking weird. Concurrently, I spent that same time making fun of you creeps for thinking magic to be cool and fawning over that bespectacled little dweeb. So, in typical Well I Didn’t Get On Board In Time So I Better Pretend To Hate It Without Ever Actually Reading It fashion, I’ve just trudged through the first Potter installment, and I must say, it was surprising. Enchanting, even—get it?!

Still, I was disappointed. It turns out I liked the series better when it was how I saw it, which was a random assortment of random events occurring at random times, with no explanation for what happens. Simply, I liked the books better when they sucked. It’s much more fun to make fun of nerds for liking Harry Potter than it is to actually enjoy the story of tiny wizards fighting battles with Vol—sorry, still learning. That was close.

Perception: Potter’s a little nerd that performs spells and will never get laid.

Reality: He’s not that nerdy, doesn’t perform spells, and is totes gonna bang Hermione.

Perception: People that like Harry Potter are children, stupid, or total nerds.

Reality: Well, I was right on that one.

Perception: The book will read like an installment of the Goosebumps series, complete with cliffhanging chapter endings.

Reality: Since Brits are smarter than us, their teen novels read better than our adult novels.

Perception: Everything happens for no reason, with no explanation.

Reality: That one’s also kind of true. I still don’t get the owls and the mail.

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One Comment
  1. July 19, 2009 10:39 am

    If you only knew the POWER of the dork side…

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