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#1 Album on God’s Playlist? Try the New Sugar Ray Release

July 22, 2009

It’s official:  Sugar Ray makes God’s favorite music.  Hard to believe, but true.  How do I know this?  Because Mark McGrath told me, of course.  When did I talk to Mark McGrath?  Well, I didn’t.  But I did read this interview that he did with some random blogger where he discussed at length the new Sugar Ray album released on Tuesday, titled Music For Cougars.  In the interview, McGrath (who plays a gay newscaster on the reality show Extra) discusses the cosmic insignificance of his band and how he understands that no one on Earth wants a new Sugar Ray record.  Obviously the Almighty does not reside on terra firma, because McGrath settles a millennia of spiritual debate in one seemingly innocuous sentence:  “But some divine intervention has kept this band together and I think we all appreciate that.”  There you have it, Yahweh is ensuring the sweet sounds of Sugar Ray will continue for many years to come.  Oh joy.

Some of you may have a little trouble believing that the Almighty Himself would take a special interest in Marky Mark and the Douchey Bunch, but personally I don’t find that much of a stretch.  As a matter of fact, I think the Heavens have opened at just the right time.  Haven’t those of you over thirty-five found yourself being a little disappointed by the lackluster state of the kiddie pool lately?  I mean, come on I’ve toured many a college campus trying to pick up chicks that are 20 years younger than me, and let me tell you: one can only listen to Smashmouth’s “Beer Goggles” so many times before you lose your mojo.  It’s dry out there boys, you know what I’m talkin’ bout.

Obviously I’m not the only person to have this experience.  It seems that a fair number of thirty-something ladies have been hit by this hook-up recession as well.  Fret no longer, girls!  The Big Guy Upstairs heard the collective cries from empty beds and bathroom stalls and decided we needed a Rock and Roll savior to restore the fine art of buying alcohol for under-21 folk in exchange for time-limited companionship.

Enter the Ray, who honed their road warrior skills playing sold-out venues like the Jones Family Reunion in Pitstop OK and the Strawberry Festival in Adairville KY.  These guys were a party waiting for a place to happen in a world where truy partying had lost its way.  Their ingenious reference to Cougars in the album title indicates that they’ve been sent on a holy mission to save the world from the dangers of heading home without a college girl/guy at your side.

Peeps, we have witnessed a miracle right here on the big blue marble and I for one am thankful.  I’ve never listened to one iota of Sugar Ray’s music, in fact there was a time when I felt like to do so would insult my manhood.  But I saw the light and I’m ready to dig deep into the $5 bin at Wal-Mart to shore up my Sugar Ray catalog.  I mean, c’mon He Who Created the Heavens and the Earth couldn’t be wrong, right?  Now Big Man, while you’re listening can we discuss Fred Durst?  Please?

3 Comments
  1. Scott Tomlin permalink
    July 23, 2009 4:49 pm

    “McGrath (who plays a gay newscaster on the reality show Extra)”

    Absolutely hilarious line, Caleb! Well played, my friend…

    Keep up the great work.

  2. Caleb permalink
    July 23, 2009 9:16 pm

    Thanks for the kind words Scott….wait a second, mom is that you?

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