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God, the Devil, and Sugar Ray

July 22, 2009

My friend and TBTS colleague Caleb needs to stop thinking with his crotch long enough to realize that the new Sugar Ray album is a curse, not a blessing.

I’ve had a couple of hours to think about what Caleb would have us believe about Mark McGrath & company’s latest offering. And I’m not buying it. Music for Cougars isn’t the result of God loving us and wanting us to be all happy and sex-drunk. We must see this situation for what it really is—the Devil tempting us with the ways of the flesh.

There are signs of this album’s evil nature all around us, if we’re willing to look. For a prevalent example, we need only look at one of today’s biggest news items: the total solar eclipse visible throughout much of India, China, and other southeast Asian nations.

Vast numbers of people regard an eclipse of this magnitude as a harbinger of violence and unrest. I was aligned with those urging calm until I saw the temporal connection between this huge, once-in-a-century eclipse and the arrival of the new Sugar Ray album.

Now it’s clear that this is a time fraught with potential danger. Bonnie Tyler had it right when she sang of a different total eclipse, “We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.”

But it’s at least a small comfort to know that, as long as we ignore Sugar Ray, the damage they can do will be limited. So we must avoid Music for Cougars and the titillation it causes. In these perilous times, we must not listen to music that might lead us to distract ourselves with meaningless, oh-so-naughty activities with 20-somethings gone wild.

We must be pure. We must be morally vigilant. We must not head down to the U-Club (where Sugar Ray will be bumpin’), meet up with Caleb, and see if we can track down those sophomores we met last week.

Now is not the time for frivolous things. Not when we have that big sales report to finish up tonight. We are free on Friday, though. Caleb, give us a call.

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