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Seth Rogen and the Cast of Entourage Should Have a Beer Summit

July 31, 2009

This week, we’ve seen that getting together for a drink in the back yard can sometimes help smooth over hurt feelings and perceived slights. Some wounds will never fully heal, of course, especially not after one conversation, no matter how tasty the refreshments. Still, it’s important for the aggrieved parties to open up channels of dialogue and create space for civil discourse in the future.

That’s why I’m convening a “beer summit” for Seth Rogen and the cast of Entourage.

The heated words and thorny issues between these guys have deep roots that trace back decades—at least to 1982, when Seth Rogen was born to parents whose genetic building blocks determined that their child would fall short of satisfying conventional notions of male beauty. The conflict also traces back to the early 2000s, when Entourage was pitched to HBO and developed for its 2004 premiere. Since then, the series has proven itself worthy of the standard of insignificance and middling quality set by its producer and inspiration, Marky “Mark” Wahlberg.

(I mean, seriously, who does a bit in 2009 about Seth Rogen being too ugly to get it on with Katherine Heigl? At this point, the kid Rogen and Heigl had together in Knocked Up would almost be old enough for the Entourage guys to start hitting on, right? In other words, as Dave Attell would say, “That joke’s so old it can vote.” It was even done to death in Knocked Up itself!)

Still, despite its seeming intractability, we must try to repair the rift between Rogen the Fugly and the Entourage of Not Funny. I suggest they should gather to share feelings and libations, and I nominate myself to facilitate the event, based on my obviously deep understanding of the conflict’s origins.

I’m also going to handle the drink selection. Rogen will be drinking Samuel Smith Taddy Porter, which for years (at least since I was in college) has been the drink of choice among white, upper-middle-class stoners. It’ll be lemon-drop shots with Smirnoff Ice chasers for the Entourage guys.

Let the healing begin.

3 Comments
  1. July 31, 2009 4:14 pm

    Hilarious! This battle between them is also hilarious, and completely pointless. Rogen fired back already – I wonder what the Entourage guys have to say next?

  2. July 31, 2009 5:34 pm

    Screw it, I think they should just go all out with a bong summit.

    Nice choice on the Taddy Porter, by the way.

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