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The Entertation Index: August 11

August 11, 2009

Griffin, Kathy — Comic Kathy Griffin showed up at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards this weekend with a surprising date on her arm — Levi Johnston, best known as the deadbeat boyfriend-turned-wannabe-actor who fathered a child with former VP candidate Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol. Oh, Levi, you sure don’t know how Hollywood works. Being seen with Kathy Griffin will get you nowhere. Plus, she still smells like Steve Wozniak. You mustn’t listen to the seductive siren song of Kathy Griffin, Levi! Stay strong!

Link: Kathy Griffin Takes Levi Johnston as her Date to 2009 Teen Choice Awards (NY Daily News)

Millionaire, Who Wants to be a — ABC’s planned full week of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? kicked off Sunday night to poor ratings, only beating Fox’s evening of reruns. Apparently, ABC overestimated the public’s desire to watch two-hit wonder Katy Perry show up, act exaggeratedly “cute” and “coy,” bite her lip adorably a lot and then answer one question about her friend Hayden Panettiere for $50,000 toward her charity. Go figure.

Link: So You Don’t Want to be a Millionaire? (New York Times)

Octomom — Just when you thought our nation had the scruples to move past this horrifying mess, Fox has announced that it will air a two hour documentary based on freakish mother Nadya Suleman and her eight children. The documentary will be called Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage. Also incredibly unseen: Fox’s sense of moral decency.

Link: “Octomom” Coming to Primetime Via Fox (Hollywood Reporter)

Opera, Twitter — England’s Royal Opera House has announced plans to excite more young people to the world of the waning musical form by composing an entire opera based on submitted tweets of 140 characters by the public. Ultimately, however, watching the Twitter Opera unfold will be no different from a real opera: it will take forever, make very little sense, feature a language no one can understand, and end badly.

Link: Opera Being Composed on Twitter (BBC)

Smith, Will — The Hancock actor and wife Jada Pinkett Smith have reportedly fired the headmaster of their Calabasas-based private school The New Village Leadership Academy, an institution alleged to have strong leanings toward scientology. The reasoning comes on the heels of the discovery that the headmaster was teaching children that 25th President of the United States William McKinley was killed by Polish immigrant and anarchist sympathizer Leon Czolgosz in 1901. This, of course, upends the well-known Scientology doctrine that William McKinley’s earthly vessel was intercepted by aliens in 1901, where he became a spacepresident who flew through the cosmos in his spaceship preaching peace to other planets in our solar system, effectively ending the great Blargon War for Saturn in the year 7005. Yes, McKinley was a great, great spacepresident.

Link: Will and Jada Fire Head of Their School (Radar Online)

Winfrey, Oprah — Entertainment and self-help maven Oprah Winfrey is being sued to the tune of a trillion dollars by author and crackpot who doesn’t understand numbers Damon Lloyd Goffee, who claims Winfrey plagiarized his poetry for her internet-published Pieces of my Soul. Bronx native Goffee believes Winfrey lifted the words from his book of poetry entitled Can You Hear My Heart? My Life as an African American Talk-Show Host, Publishing Magnate and Multi-Billionaire. I’d say he has a case.

Link: Oprah Faces $1 Trillion Lawsuit (Houston Chronicle)

Woodstock, 40th Anniversary of — While plans for a supersized Woodstock anniversary concert in New York are expected to fall through, Livermore, Maine held a “Heroes of Woodstock” concert that featured Jefferson Starship, Big Brother and the Holding Company and Canned Heat — all bands featured at the 1969 event. Almost 4,000 people showed up for the Livermore concert, which assumedly left almost 4,000 Volkswagen buses full of belongings unattended, 4,000-plus embarrassed full-grown children unpestered for money, and countless god’s eyes and dreamcatchers unmanufactured for our nation’s craft festivals.

Link: Crowd Finds Freedom in Woodstock Concert (Livermore Sun-Journal)

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