The Entertation Index: September 18

3-D — At the recent “3-D Entertainment Summit” (yes, that really exists) it was announced that on the horizon will be designer 3-D glasses that don’t look so blocky, and even the possibilty of prescription glasses for 3-dimensional viewing — or, as they’re already called, “glasses.”

Link: Real D Announces Designer 3-D Wear (Variety)

Abrams, J.J. — The Lost, Alias and Fringe creator says that the upcoming Star Trek sequel may deal with “modern day issues.” This can only mean that we’ll see Chekov’s difficulties in an English as a Second Language Program, Scottie’s adult-onset diabetes, Spock’s plastic surgery efforts and an ongoing galactic conflict which will see the Romulans marching for equal marriage benefits.

Link: Star Trek Sequel May ContainPointed Modern Commentary (slashfilm) 

Coulier, Dave — Full House’s former Uncle Joey has been nabbed by the Internal Revenue Service, who claim the comic owes upwards of $50,000 in backlogged state and federal unpaid taxes. The IRS was tipped off to Coulier’s malfeasances after the recent release of singer Alanis Morrisette’s recent hit “You Took My Heart (and Neglected to Pay $50,000 in Back State and Federal Taxes),” a song widely believed to be a slam on ex-lover Coulier by the Canadian songstress.

Link: TV Star Coulier Hit With Tax Bill (IMDB)

Elizabeth, Queen — An upcoming book entitled Queen Elizabeth: The Queen Mother will reportedly divulge, for the first time, private correspondence and letters sent by the Queen of England during the height of her reign in the mid 1900’s. Notable revelations? That her social studies teacher Mr. Henderson is “soooo boring,” and that Montgomery Clift is “totally the cutest,” as well as her longtime secret desire to manufacture an all-girl pop band with names who describe them best, like “Sporty,” “Scary,” and “Polio.” 

Link: Biography Reveals Queen Mum’s Private Letters (USA Today)

Harrelson, Woody — Actor Harrelson claims that he narrowly escaped death at the hands of — no lie — a “Croatian Judo Gang” after the ruffians recognized him as the character Woody Boyd from the classic sitcom Cheers. Unfortunately, John Ratzenberger had little such luck during a recent run-in with the Yakuza and George Wendt discovered the hard way that the Cosa Nostra didn’t watch much NBC in the early nineties. Rest in Peace, Cliff and Norm.

Link: Harrelson: “Cheers Saved My Life” (Contactmusic)

Housewives, Real — The Bravo Network has announced plans to release a line of women’s clothing based on the stylings of the characters featured in Bravo’s Real Housewives reality oeuvre. The working tagling, reportedly, is simply “Real Housewives Women’s Wear: When You Need the Extra Sleeve Room to Slap a Bitch.”

Link: Bravo to Announce “Real Housewives” Apparel Line (LA Times)

League, Justice — An upcoming animated version of DC’s Justice League of America will reportedly feature the voices of Mark Harmon, Chris Noth, William Baldwin, Gina Torres and James Woods. True to their voice counterparts, this incarnation of the  Justice League’s greatest nemeses will be next month’s rent, electric bill and car payment. 

Link: Another “Crisis” Coming (Newsarama)

Lohan, Lindsay — Adorable, mischevious moppet Lindsay Lohan has allegedly laughed off recent rumors that she was recently admitted to a Hollywood psychiatric ward. “That’s ridiculous,” said Lohan. “Why would I go to a psych ward? Do you have any idea how hard it is to smuggle an eight-ball into those places?”

Link: Lohan “Blasts Hospitalization Rumors” (Digitalspy)