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Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Kinda Get Married; Lucky Blind Fish Remain Blissfully Unaware

September 28, 2009

According to LiveScience via Yahoo News today, “Down under in Australia…scientists have found 850 previously unknown species living in subterranean water, caves and micro-caverns.” Nearly all are sightless and most lack eyes altogether—word is they swim in SCHOOLS FOR THE BLIND. Get it? Wocka wocka wocka!

In one way, I’m a tad jealous of these subsurface, eyeless, hitherto unknown creatures. I envy them because they have no knowledge of who Khloe Kardashian is, much less the fact that she and NBA star Lamar Odom were (sort of) married yesterday.

I say “sort of” because of reports emerging today that the wedding ceremony may have been staged a) without a binding marriage license signed beforehand, and therefore b) entirely for the benefit of E! Entertainment Television cameras, filming what’s likely to be the “climactic” (pun intended) Keeping up with the Kardashians episode this season. If true, that makes this weekend’s “wedding” the greatest achievement in reality TV bullshit since Speidi ran for the border.

Lamar and Kohle didn’t sign a binding marriage license, reportedly, because their pre-nuptial agreement wasn’t finished on time. Odom, who recently signed a $30 million contract renewal with the Los Angeles Lakers, was the driving force behind the push for the quick pre-nup.

[TBTS would like to clarify that Lamar ain’t sayin’ she a golddigger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke athlete.]

Obviously, this marriage—which follows a courtship of less than two months and still won’t be exactly real until Odom can figure out how to keep his basketball money the hell away from this guy—isn’t on the most solid footing.

So I wish Lamar and Kleoh the best. I hope I’ll be able to send them a nice gift for their 10-year anniversary. Until that day, I’ll be a little worried that even though they obviously got married for the best of reasons—unremitting pressure from network execs and a pathological need for more attention from the public—Lamar and Khelo may not be able to make it work.

And, every once in a while, I’ll also be envisioning the sweet life of those blind Australian species. Swimming blithely in the murky deep, ever so gently bumping into stuff, unburdened with much of anything except the threat of mining-related extinction. May they continue wading in the darkness, gloriously Kardashian free, forever.

Or at least until the cable networks find a way to reach that uber-desirable “ocean floor” demo. When E! figures that out, those undersea creatures will start soaking up the celebrity gossip like a bunch of SPONGES. Get it? Wocka wocka wocka!

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