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The Entertation Index: September 29, 2009

September 29, 2009

America, Bank Of – This is entertainment-related only in that it’s entertaining: Dalton Chiscolm has sued Bank of America for $1784 billion trillion for what he says are inconsistencies in its customer service.  This is the exact amount I demanded—and won—in punitive damages for accidentally watching Dana Carvey’s The Master of Disguise.

Link: Big Lawsuit (Gothamist)

Caribbean, Pirates of The – Disney is reportedly preparing for a continuation of the franchise without Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow.  (Depp has admitted being upset about the departure of studio chief Dick Cook.)  An unnamed studio exec may have lamented, “where are we going to find a borderline crazy drunk with ratty hair willing to wear eyeliner?”  Somewhere, Gary Busey just woke up smiling.

Link: Depp Out as Jack Sparrow? (MTV)

Costume, Pets In – It should be apparent that most of us here at TBTS love cutesy animal photos.  Since Halloween is coming soon, here is a site that should give you some ideas and explanations why your pet mauled your face.

Link: Why Dogs Bite People (3113)

Duff, Hilary – The singer/actress turned 22 yesterday, which is 6 years older than the oldest person ever to watch Lizzie McGuire on purpose.

Link: HilDuf’s B-day (NewsOK)

Guarini, Justin – The American Idol first season alum got married to high school friend Reina Capodici.  Guarini was probably her second choice.

Link: Guarini Married (MSNBC)

Miller, Wentworth – The Prison Break heartthrob starred in a recent episode of Law & Order: SVU as an NYPD cop with—surprise!—inner turmoil and furrowed brow, but now with hair!  Check out the link below to see the picture where a suspect apparently tells Miller that Dairy Queen no longer sells Tagalong Blizzards.

Link: Miller in L&O: SVU (Entertainment Weekly)

Slate, Jenny – As you’ve heard by now, Saturday Night Live neophyte Jenny Slate accidentally changed one of the “frickin”s and “freakin”s to the real f-bomb during this season’s premiere.  Given the poor quality of the sketches, uttering “f*ckin’” was the least offensive thing in the episode.  Show runner Lorne Michaels says he won’t fire her for it, and we agree: don’t kill the messenger.

Link: SNL F-Bombs (LATimes)

Zeta-Jones, Catherine – The Welsh beauty, a British tap-dance championship at 12, was asked to prove it on one of her first dates with Michael Douglas.  She obliged, giving him a tap show in his bathroom so as not to scratch his hardwood floors.  If she fell for that, maybe she would have fallen for “show me that in my bedroom—there’s tile in there.  And isn’t it hot in here?”

Link: Zeta-Jones Trivia (People)

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