The Entertation Index: October 7

Archie — Longtime comic favorite Archie is making headlines as he plans to propose to Betty Cooper in an upcoming November issue, despite the fact that he’s already married to sweetheart Veronica Lodge. Meanwhile, Jughead and Moose continue to tirelessly fight Riverdale city hall for their own right to wed.

Link: The Archie Gang’s Destiny, as Shaped by Robert Frost (NY Times)

Brody, Adrien — Robert Rodriguez’ upcoming Predator re-imagining, which purportedly focuses on “a mercenary who battles alien hunters,” has found its star in Academy Award-winning actor Adrien Brody, undoubtedly shifting the film’s logline to “a thin, gaunt and deeply conflicted mercenary battles the outward conflict of alien hunters and the inner conflict of remaining true to his innermost feelings and desires.”

Link: Adrien Brody Headlines “Predator” Reboot (EW)

Cowell, Simon — The American Idol judge hosted a riotous birthday party over this past weekend which allegedly included shark tanks, dancing ladies and a person dressed like a giant vagina. When confronted about the risqué costume, Ryan Seacrest claimed he thought it was a “come as you are” party.

Link: Stars Turn Out for Simon Cowell’s 50th Birthday Party (Now Magazine)

Fallon, Late Night with Jimmy — Just for fun, here’s a clip featuring breakaway prop furniture and badass streetfighter Kimbo Slice. It’s not rocket science, but it is a lot of fun and a bit of further proof that Fallon’s really putting together a consistently entertaining 12:30 show that’s distinctly his own.

Link: Breakaway Furniture Store With Kimbo Slice (NBC)

Poe, Edgar Allen — The gothic poet, who was buried as a pauper after his death in 1849,  will receive a proper send-off as Baltimore officials have planned an elaborate memorial service complete with a replica of Poe’s body to be paraded by horse-drawn carriage through the streets. The proceedings are to be sponsored by Hot Topic and are expected to be attended by hundreds of sullen teens who have no real idea who Edgar Allen Poe was, but recognize the event as an opportunity to take cool Crow-esque photos of themselves hanging out in graveyards for their facebook pages.

Link: 160 Years Late, Poe Will Get a Grand Funeral (USA Today)

Roses, Guns N’ —  Axl Rose and company are reportedly being sued by a German electronica musician, who claims the band sampled pieces of two of his songs without compensating or recognizing him in any way. The band is also being sued by AC/DC, who allege that G & R stole the idea of an comeback album that completely sucks from the Brit rockers.

Link: Guns N’ Roses Sued Over Samples in Chinese Democracy (NY Times)

Show, The Jay Leno — Animal rights group PETA has begun to protest The Jay Leno Show because the late night host endorses fast food chain McDonald’s, which they claim uses inhumane methods to slaughter chickens. Unfortunately, there’s still no rights group stepping up to help the human beings watching The Jay Leno Show.

Link: Animal Rights Group Targets “The Jay Leno Show” (LA Weekly)

Turin, Shroud of — An Italian scientist claims he has found a way to replicate the infamous Shroud of Turin, believed to be Christ’s burial garments, in a move that some feel debunks the Shroud’s validity as a holy relic. The scientist also claims to have effectively copied similarly revered items “Mary Magdalene in a Bowling Alley Water Spot,” “Clam Chowder Muhammad” and “Bratwurst Pope.”

Link: Italian Scientist Reproduces Shroud of Turin (Reuters)