The Entertation Index: October 28

Footloose — Kenny Ortega, the director behind the upcoming remake of 1984’s Footloose, has quit the production citing tone and budget differences. I would like to re-iterate, once again, that each day I have to live in a world that doesn’t have a Footloose remake is another day that happiness means nothing and the laughter of children is empty and hollow. I hope you’re listening, Paramount.

Link: Ortega Exits Paramount’s “Footloose” (Variety)

Gervais, Ricky — UK funnyman and purveyor of the original Office has been announced as the host of this upcoming January’s Golden Globe Awards, ensuring that this year’s ceremony will be casually glossed over by most of mainstream America but fervently revered by a cult faction of viewers. It also reverses the universal order and should, to keep balance, signify that the British equivalent of the Golden Globes will also be very good, if broader, jokier and more conventional. 

Link: Ricky Gervais Tapped as Host of Golden Globes (USA Today)

Hogan, Hulk — Hulkamania is poised to overtake the WWE once again as Hulk Hogan has announced his return to the squared circle with TNA Wrestling. Though initial press states that the Hulkster’s specific role “will be announced in the near future,” that role is expected to be “the guy who breaks his hip immediately upon returning to pro wrestling.”

Link: Hulk Hogan Returning to Pro Wrestling (The Live Feed)

Muse — British trio Muse were annointed 2009’s “Best Act in the World Today” at Britain’s Q Awards. Yes, seriously. In other news, the secret robed individuals who presumedly will stop at nothing to plant gratuitous references in all media outlets extolling Muse’s greatness are high-fiving each other, because there’s no way Muse is the “Best Act in the World Today.”

Link: Best Band Muse (contactmusic)

Short Circuit — Steve Carr, the director of Paul Blart: Mall Cop has signed on with Dimension films to helm a remake of 1986’s robot comedy Short Circuit. I would like to re-iterate, once again, that each day I have to live in a world that doesn’t have a Short Circuit remake is another day that happiness means nothing and the laughter of children is empty and hollow.

Link: Carr to Drive “Short Circuit” Remake (Variety)

Sublime — 21 year-old frontman Rome Ramirez debuted in place of the late Brad Nowell at a California concert as Sublime reunited for only the second time in the thirteen years since Nowell’s death. This came as horrible news to  fellow pot-rockers 311, who can only assume their excessive ripping off of the band and usurping of their fans for the past 13 years has woefully come to a close.

Link: Sublime Debut New Singer at SmokeOut Festival Despite Nowell Family Protests (Rolling Stone)

White, Ron — Blue Collar Comedy Tour-er White has signed a deal to star in an animated feature for Comedy Central called “Hounds,” in which he’ll play a character described as “a countrified Yoda with a bottle of Jack and a bag of weed.” The hosting network will promptly change its name to “Only Very Mildly Amusing, And Even Then Clichéd Central.” 

Link: Comedy Central Inks Two Talent Deals (Hollywood Reporter)