Forbes Magazine Jumps On Board the Celebrity Death Wagon With Another Goofball List They’ve Concocted When They Should Be Covering Financial News

It’s official: 2009 is the year of celebrity death fanaticism, the most morbid and macabre our fascination with Hollywood has become thus far. We’re auctioning crypt-spots next to Marilyn Monroe, tweeting that our favorite stars have died in grotesque ways and practically giving Michael Jackson a posthumous Oscar on the night a documentary covering his last rehearsal is released. In fact, if I’ve learned anything this past year, it’s that I need to get busy offing myself ASAP if I want any respect, because if one ever wanted to leave a legacy, 2009’s the year to do it –each new death seems to be exponentially over-revered. We give them awards (Ledger), tattoo them on our bodies (Tupac) and even suddenly start thinking they were business sages, after we’ve written them off as alive hacks for several years. (Mays). MSNBC even claims that “industry insiders” have a name for dead celebrities: delebs. And I have a name for that: bullshtacky.

These days, we even like to pretend that dead people are still alive. And I don’t mean in the “his spirit has touched us all” kind of way, I mean in a “how much money is he making this year?” kind of way. Don’t believe me? Forbes Magazine, a financial publication responsible for putting more ridiculous celebrity lists together than the cast of Entertainment Tonight, has followed up its steady stream of star-obsessed comparisons — lists like the top earning comedians and the most powerful celebrities based on web and television mentions — with a list of the top thirteen deceased stars still making money. The Forbes’ Top-Earning Dead Celebrities List names fashion designer Yves St. Laurent at the top of this list, earning a cool $350 million per year and, presumably, spending it to cover her business building loans liberty township oh.

Other dirt-napping individuals we can only assume to be funding their descendants’ yacht club memberships and drug problems include playwrights Rodgers and Hammerstein, cartoonist Charles Schulz and author  J.R.R. Tolkien. 

Elvis Presley is on the list, which makes sense, as are John Lennon and Dr. Seuss. Albert Einstein is on the list as well, but not for his contributions to science. As Forbes‘ puts it:

“…As part of a Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian tie-in, the late genius lent his image to a bobble-head toy.”

Yes, one of the most brilliant scientists of all time remains on Forbes‘ weird death-money list because of his face’s hilarious reference in a summer children’s blockbuster. 

The instant text loans no brokers is on the list at number three, having reportedly made $90 million just in the few months, accruing cash for record sales, radio airplay and music video marathons, not to mention that a concert film from a concert which never happened is expected to do business this very weekend. 

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I know what you’re thinking: how can I get a piece of this dead-people money action? Unfortunately, you’ll just have to keep mortgaging your home and eating pre-cooked bacon, friends. Because you’ll never earn as much as Forbes‘ list of people not even alive anymore, and that’s the saddest truth of all. So if you want to preserve the memories of these folk and just act like they’re still alive, that’s not a terrible idea — because the alternative is pretty damn depressing.