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The TBTS Halloween Night Review: Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned

October 31, 2009

Allow me to begin this review of Brian Thomson’s opus Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned by quoting some of its Netflix “user reviews:”

“This movie not only has a horrible plot, it an equally horrible cast and special effects.”

“The movie itself was low-budget, not a great story and did not have great actors. It was a total waste of time and found the whole idea of it pretty degrading to women.”

“I was highly disappointed that the girl on the cover art wasn’t in the movie. Next the three “sexy” strippers where nowhere near sexy.”

Folks, this ain’t Out of Africa. But is there a better way to spend your super-spooky Halloween night than by watching a movie about demons…wait, no, vampires…who set upon a gaggle of terrible actors in their friend’s lake house? I say to you: No.

The plot is riveting. Five friends — a dutiful bachelor, his sleazy best man, two equally sleazy ne’er-do-well friends and a “creepy” pal who may or may not be behind inviting demonic strippers to his friend’s bachlor party — gather in a house on the Hamptons for a weekend of debauchery. Shortly thereafter, the “sexy” entertainment shows up, turns into gruesome monsters, and begins to kill everyone. And then everyone is suddenly a vampire, which necessitates the discovery of the “head vampire” to reverse the deaths. And here’s the surprise twist — it’s all very, very terrible!

First, let’s start with the positives. Director Brian Thomson, who you may remember for bringing us no other films, is a man for all seasons in the production of BPITBOTD. Not only did the renaissance man direct, he’s also credited as  — wait for it — producer, writer, prop master, 2nd unit director, editor, sound editor, dialogue editor, sound design, foley artist, music supervisor, composer, music performer, special visual effects supervisor, technical director, lead modeler, lead animator and he’s responsible for title design. I’m assuming he also had a pair of cymbals strapped to his knees to make him the “total package.” Let’s give credit where credit’s due, however. Thomson really takes that “you can achieve your dreams” adage to the max. Also, he seems to perform none of these tasks exceptionally well.

The cast is one you’ll recognize; it’s a virtual ensemble of greatness: Monique Dupree (Pot Zombies, Bikini Bloodbath Christmas),  Nathan Faudree (Pink Eye, The Shrieking), Trina Analee (The Daylight Werewolf) and Zoe Hunter (Witchcraft 13, There’s a Maniac in My House!!!) . How Thomson was able to get all these people on the same schedule is amazing.

Gregg Aaron Greenberg is convincing as Sammy, the partying best man (we know this because his license plate reads BAD INFLUENZ, which violates New York’s statue of only eight letters on a vanity plate, by the way) who becomes an unlikely hero after his friends are all murdered and/or turned into vampires and/or demons. He also spends a great deal of time without a shirt, which made me wish Brian Thomson was also on point as “wardrobe advisor.” But one man can only do so much.

The demon/vampire strippers, who are mostly shot in terrible lighting, employ a variety of methods of offing the bachelor’s comrades, including boobs that turn into monsters and spit that boils off a human face. There also exists a running gag about a jacuzzi sucking out many feet of a person’s intestine that you will likely be referencing with love among your friends for years to come, probably whenever one of them is in a jacuzzi. And that friend will have no idea what you’re talking about, because he will not have seen this movie.

But hey, it’s Halloween, right? And you’re going to see a lot of terrible costumes anyway. Why not cuddle up with some slutty pirate girl you brought home from Dave and Buster’s, pop in Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned, and wait as she scoots closer to you, giving you the opportunity to put your arm around her. At that point, she will realize she has made perhaps one of the poorest social decisions of her life. Because clearly, you are no Brian Thomson. Happy Halloween, everyone!

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