The Entertation Index: November 2

Jackson, Joe — The ruthless business efficiency of the Jackson patriarch strikes again, this time allegedly partnering with pro soccer star Cristiano Renaldo to sell “The Goalie Grill,” a grill in the shape of a soccer ball.  Unfortunately, Tito’s longtime recurring dream of his father taking playing catch with soccer-ball-shaped grill is coming to eerie fruition.

Link: Joe Jackson and Cristiano Renaldo Business Partners (Bitten and Bound)

Hilton, Paris — Partying heiress Paris Hilton’s sister Nicky told People Magazine that the starlet felt “violated” after her home was burgled during a spate of celebrity robberies. To be fair, however, this wasn’t the first time Paris had been violated via her backdoor. Hey-ooooo!

Link: Paris Hiton Felt Violated By Burlary, Says Sister (People)

Hopper, Dennis — TBTS sends its best to the Easy Rider and Blue Velvet star, as Dennis Hopper has been diagnosed with prostate camper and is being treated through a “special program” at the University of Southern California. We hope the loopy, fearless thesp is back on his feet soon — his infamous scene with Walken in True Romance is one of the all-time faves ’round these parts and we wish him all the best for a speedy recovery.

Link: Dennis Hopper hs Prostate Cancer (USA Today)

Penn, Sean — Oscar-winner Sean Penn visited Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez in his presidential palace last week, where the two discussed topics like Barack Obama and Michael Moore.  Chavez reportedly asked Penn to request the U.S. abandon plans to increase its military presence in Venezuela, requested the actor implore Obama to earn his Peace Prize, and then — addressing the most grievous American offense to the world — forced Penn to apologize for Shanghai Surprise.

Link: Sean Penn Visits Hugo Chavez, Talks Politics and Obama’s Nobel Prize (Huffington Post)

Rodriguez, Alex — The Yankee third baseman, currently dating starlet Kate Hudson, has always been a reported egomaniac. Recently, however, an ex-girlfriend told Us Magazine that the athlete had two paintings of himself as a mythical centaur above his bed. When asked to elaborate, the ex explained that the front half of the creature bore a horse’s head, and the back half was a portrait of Rodriguez. The pictures were later revealed to simply be horse paintings.

Link: Ex: A-Rod Had Portraits of Himself as Centaur Hanging Over His Bed (Us Magazine)

Seacrest, Ryan — A man was arrested in the E! Entertainment Network building on Friday for allegedly stalking Ryan Seacrest, prompting the American Idol host to procure a restrainment order against the man. When questioned why he’d been trailing Seacrest, the alleged stalker looked puzzled and sheepishly revealed that he thought he had been stalking Dakota Fanning. The police nodded silently, quietly understanding how that mistake could be made.

Link: Seacrest Stalker Busted (Celebrity Cafe)