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TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending November 7, 2009)

November 7, 2009

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  Australia Tries To Warn Concert-goers That Britney Spears Lip-Syncs:

Britney knows how to brew up controversy, even unintentionally.  Virginia Judge, the Minister for Fair Trading for New South Wales, has decided that ticket buyers for Spears’ Australian concerts should know that some parts of the show will be “pre-recorded.”  Noting that some tickets have sold for more than $1300, Judge said, “It is Britney’s ‘prerogative’ to lip-sync, and it is my job to make sure consumers know what they are paying for up front.”  Honorable Judge Judge, everyone knows that Britney Spears lip-syncs, which allows her to prance around stage and get shot out of cannons and stuff all without her voice changing.  Those who don’t know this are “stupid,” or “people who will pay $1300 to see Britney Spears.”  Think about what you’re doing, Madame Minister: if concerts must bear lip-sync disclaimers and concert-goers boycott performers because of it, might Spears and her ilk stop it altogether?  What would be worse: a clean, digitally-enhanced “Oops I Did It Again” sung in concert, or Britney’s naked, real, unadulterated singing voice?  I rest my case.

2.  Paula Abdul Cries During Precious:

By all accounts, Precious is an incredibly touching movie.  It should be no surprise then that anyone, including Paula Abdul, was seen crying three times during a screening.  Maybe it would be news if the movie was so moving that she should have cried five times, in which case Abdul is a heartless wench.  Or maybe the movie was so cheesy, heavy-handed, and overtly emotionally manipulative that she should not have cried at all, making Abdul an unstable mess.  Or maybe she cried the correct number of times.  It’s not uncommon that people cry at movies.  I cried—well, I got something in my eye—at the end of Big Fish, and a friend of mine cried during Kickboxer (yes, the Van Damme movie).

Why this is worth a whole NY Post column with the crappy headline “Bawl-A Abdul” I don’t know.  Paula Abdul cries at everything.  She cried on American Idol if contestants did a good job and stayed, or a bad job and got booted off, or a middling job and she totally knew they could do better.  She cries if someone is unreasonably harsh when criticizing her in the media.  She probably cries when she sees puppies, or when she watches fabric softener commercials.  This little non-story probably won’t help.

3. Reality Show Winner Spends Money Poorly:

This may be difficult for you to believe, but it seems that Big Brother 9 winner Adam Jasinski, a real person, has spent the money he won on the show unwisely.  BB9 3rd place winner Sheila Kennedy expressed her disappointment and physical illness upon hearing Jasinski was arrested in an Oxycodone deal with a government informant.  Sheila voted for Adam in part because he said he would give $100,000 of his $500,000 prize to an autism charity.  You and I probably share Kennedy’s feelings of shock and betrayal that a reality game show contestant lied to make money.  To be fair, maybe he didn’t lie and intended to donate the money, but on the way to the autism foundation he saw a car and a fur coat and a trashcan full of Oxycodone he just couldn’t live without.  And he still might have some of that money left, which this time he totally swears he’s gonna give away.

4. Yankees Win World Series:

Man, this really isn’t news.

Thanks, entertainment media, for making fun of someone for crying during a movie.  You try watching Dumb and Dumber without breaking down!

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