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The Entertation Index: November 10

November 10, 2009

Battleship — As we’ve reported in the Index in the past, Peter Berg is set to direct a feature-length film based on the intellectual property of the children’s board game Battleship. That’s already absurd enough. Now we learn it’s about aliens. Of course. I look forward to the screen version of Hungry Hungry Hippos, which reportedly will be the deconstruction of the American family after a vicious secret comes to light, and Uno, which will be directed by Pedro Almodóvar.

Link: Aliens to Sink Peter Berg’s Battleship? (Screen Rant)

Fanning, Dakota — The Twilight: New Moon star explained to MTV that she became very close to colleague Kristen Stewart during the filming of the tween vamp sequel. “She’s so great…I’ve had so much fun with her,” said Fanning. This immediately troubled the Robodyne Corporation, which programmed Fanning not to feel emotions like “fun,” but rather to follow her prime directive of destroying her competition with lasers. Back to the drawing board, guys! Better luck with Abigail Breslin!

Link: “New Moon” Star Dakota Fanning Had “So Much Fun” With Kristen Stewart (MTV)

Hammer, MC — The rapper told Australia’s Herald Sun that life’s so good for him right now that his trademark fashion is staging a comeback. “My Hammer pants are being made  by six or seven of the world’s finest designers,” he tells the Herald Sun. “In 2009 they were some of the best selling pants in high fashion. I got the new ones, I got the Versace, I got the Christian Dior Homme Hammer pants, they are really nice.” This figures, because everything’s backwards in Australia. Winter is summer. Toilets flush the opposite way. Hammer is still famous. Isn’t that how it works?

Link: Hammer Swings Into Melbourne (Herald Sun)

Kardashian, Khloe — The Kardashians celebrated sister Khloe’s wedding all over again when E!’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians aired the wedding episode featuring Khloe and Laker Lamar Odom’s wedding. The airing brought in a staggering 30.7 million viewers — though many tuned out during reception footage where Kardashian grotesquely attacked and ate several children.

Link: Khloe Kardashian Relives Wedding Day (PopEater)

Riches, Jonathan Lee — An Illinois prison inmate has, in a series of handwritten scrawlings, submitted to the courts that he fathered the children of both Kate Gosselin and Octomom Nadya Suleman and wants custody of his alleged children. If this is true, we finally have the head vampire. He must be destroyed.

Link: Prisoner — I Impregnated Kate G. & Octomom (TMZ)

Rockys, One Thousand — To commemorate the release of the DVD and Blu-Ray of Rocky: The Undisputed Collection, Philadelphia saw a “Parade of 1,000 Rockys” as the masses congregated to run up the infamous steps of the Philadephia Museum of Art. I’d planned on covering this event personally, but fellow Indexer Matt Shorr and I were too busy helming the “Parade of 2 Detective Doug Bigelows” in celebration of the 21st anniversary of the Joe Piscopo-Treat Williams cop thriller Dead Heat.

Link: “Rocky” Fans Storm Philly — Were You There? (Pop Candy)

Street, Sesame — Today marks the 40th anniversary of Sesame Street. The New York Times celebrates with an interview with Big Bird in which we discover that he’s a condor and executive producers answer the question of whether Snuffy was ever real. Google has run muppet-centric search bars for a week, and the First Lady will appear on the show this morning. Here at TBTS, however, we just say thanks for teaching us how to read and count, and raise a glass of milk today to the Children’s Television Workshop. And to many, many more happy years.

Link: Big Bird Responds (NY Times)

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