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TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending, December 5, 2009)

December 5, 2009

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  The Mom From Family Ties Is A Lesbian:

In a revelation that is important enough to warrant morning show coverage, Meredith Baxter says that for the last seven years, it’s women, and not men, who have turned her on.  Me, too.  And a bunch of my friends, male and female, have the same “thing” for women.  Isn’t that weird?  No.  In fact, it’s the same for, like, 3.5 billion people.   And it’s the opposite for, like, another 3.5 billion people.  (You’ll notice there’s some overlap, but you’ll understand if you’ve ever seen Cruel Intentions.)

I’ll be very happy when a person’s sexuality isn’t newsworthy, because I just don’t care.  This one, though, has the chance to start some tongues wagging (ha!) because of a tiny detail: the seven-year thing.  Does this somehow prove unequivocally that sexual preference is a choice, not inborn?  I’m not even going there—this is a pop-culture blog, after all—but I’d like to point out that lots o’ human qualities and characteristics aren’t one or the other, and can be plotted on a continuum (race, gender, etc.), and some are fluid (sexuality, fluids).  You want to see someone who is convinced he or she was born homosexual?  I’ll find you one.  You want to see someone who is convinced he or she was born heterosexual, then became homosexual later in life?  I’ll find you one (Baxter, to start).  You want to see someone who goes both ways, likes to be zipped into a rubber suit and walked on by someone in high heels dressed up like Nurse Ratched?  Give me a tad longer, and I’ll find you one.  Point is, when it comes to the down-and-dirty, ain’t nothing new under the sun.

2. Hasselhoff Hospitalized.  Again.:

So the Night Rocker was hospitalized for a couple days this last weekend, again.  His lawyer, Mel Goldman, wouldn’t give details, because to be quite honest, they’re no one else’s business.  Dave may have had a seizure, he may have choked on a chicken wing; he may accidentally have seen The Ugly Truth.  Everyone will assume he had, or was thought to have, alcohol poisoning, because this isn’t the first time it’s happened.  He was admitted in September, and has been admitted due to alcohol five times in the past few years.  Let me be clear: I am NOT trivializing alcoholism.  (Ask an alcoholic or a close relative of one how funny it is.)  Yeah, The Hoff’s famous drunk-can-haz-cheezburger video is humorous by itself, but not when taken in the context of a grown man’s obvious struggle.  Luckily, or unluckily, his daughter Hayley has been there for some of his notorious benders, and gotten him medical attention.  Given that his ex-wife Pamela Bach was just arrested for DUI, it’s safe to say the family may have an issue with the sauce.  Let’s hope Hayley, who at 17 seems to be the most responsible of the bunch, avoids the same problems, and that a couple of people who happen to be famous drunks will get themselves some help.

3. Rihanna Has Nudie Pics:

Yeah, it’s old news, but she just recently admitted while promoting her new album Rated R, that she was indeed the one in the pictures.  As Tomlin has noted, it has become strangely common for celebs to film or snap themselves nekkid and/or doin’ it.  So Rihanna did, and sent the pics to her then-boyfriend.  (She added, “if you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him.”  An interesting stance, Rihanna.  I’d like to discuss this with you in more detail.)  At least she was the one who took the pictures, and not some Erin-Andrews-stalking peephole perv.  I’d like to suggest, though, that if you don’t want embarrassing pictures or videos of you on the internet, don’t take them.  And if you do, don’t send them to anyone who might have any reason in the future to remotely dislike you.  Oh, and don’t become even a tad famous.  Your lack of notoriety won’t prevent such material from finding its way onto the web, but it will keep the general public from caring.

4. Tiger Woods:

Some golfer guy got in the news for something.

Thanks, entertainment media, for showing us the striking resemblance between Merediths Baxter and Vieira!

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