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When Casting Paris Hilton, Add Lobster and Vodka To Your Budget

December 6, 2009

Socialite/actress/businessperson/heiress/recently-disappeared Paris Hilton reportedly asked for a little bit more than money when she flew in for a one-day shoot on the set of action-comedy The Other Guys:  she also allegedly provided a three-page rider of conditions and requests, including live lobsters that could be prepared on the spot, and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka.  The movie, starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L. Jackson (whom all movies contractually must include), The Rock, and other people more famous than Paris, will feature a short cameo of Ms. Hilton, playing herself.  (Not with herself—it’s not like she’s Carrie Prejean—just playing herself.  It is possible the former would have justified the cost, had the world not already seen her on-screen in such compromising positions.  By the way, I was also going to make a joke about “three-page rider,” but I don’t know if they use pages in the movie business anymore.)

Celebrities aren’t known for their subdued behaviors and tastes.  Cher supposedly requires an extra room to store her wigs.  Jennifer Lopez demands that damn near everything be in white, and has what seems to me to be a pretty extensive list of food and drink requests.  Iggy Pop’s rider is enormous, ridiculous, hilarious, and in large part tongue-in-cheek, but you can’t blame the man for trying.  Van Halen stipulated that all brown M&Ms be picked out of their candy bowls; using specious reasoning, this and this alone prevented stage collapses that have killed attendees at other performers’ concerts.  In comparison, I guess Paris’ wish-list doesn’t seem so outlandish.  But it’s Paris Hilton.  For one day.  The Grey Goose is understandable, and my be so that her lackeys can tolerate her for hours per day.  But Paris also demands live sacrifice, the boiling of creatures for her gustatory delight, so that she may channel the talents of the ancient Greek playwrights and middle-English thespians.  To bring you The Other Guys, which “stars” Damon Wayans, Jr.  That’s almost enough to make me a vegetarian.

Are there instances in which an actor/actress/performer has had such requests turned down?  Was that a deal breaker?  Did Jamie Kennedy ask to have a Gulfstream IV at his disposal so he could pee in two oceans in one day?  Is that why we don’t have Malibu’s Most Wanted 2 yet, you cheap, selfish monsters? It looks like when you achieve a certain level of awesomeness, you can ask for and probably get whatever you want.  Is this something that takes place during contract negotiations?  Or something they pop on you after the papers are signed: “Oh, I forgot: I also require a different nubile, 18-year-old blonde Brazilian beach volleyball player each morning to satisfy my carnal desires.”  “Of course, Mr. Pacino.  Whatever you wish, we shall make it so.  Tattoo preferences?”

  1. December 6, 2009 1:47 pm

    “So let me get this straight. You drop these things in boiling water. They shriek, they turn red, and they die. And then you eat ’em.”

    “That’s right.”

    “That is the most metal thing I have ever heard.”

  2. Jay St. Orts permalink
    December 7, 2009 2:48 pm

    This makes me think of Ben Kingsley’s cameo in the Sopranos when Christopher tries to get in on the swag-bag action and is turned down without anyone saying a single word.

  3. August 17, 2010 4:14 pm

    Paris Hilton is very hot.

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