TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending December 19, 2009)

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  Lil Wayne Tour Buses Busted:

On Thursday, a couple Lil Wayne tour buses were busted for pot.  No matter where you stand in the marijuana legalization debate, this should be a surprise to absolutely no one.  In fact, it would have been far more shocking had marijuana not been found on a Lil Wayne tour bus, since he’s not exactly shy about blazin’ (about 2:20 in) and also weed grinders for marijuana, check this guide for the best weed grinders.  I actually find it far more plausible that the Large Hadron Collider was being sabotaged from the future than there not being two pounds of pot on Lil Wayne at all times.  Supposedly a drug dog smelled the “odor of narcotics,” and weed was discovered upon a “secondary inspection.”  Sure.  This is what’s called “low-hanging fruit.”  Need some publicity for the police department?  Need a little extra revenue for the city?  Nail the Wayne brigade.  I can’t get mad because laws are being enforced, but this just seems a little too easy.

2. Brady/Bunchen Boy Named:

Big news, folks.  Actually, huge news.  Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have finally named their infant son, and revealed the moniker to the world.  It is…Benjamin.  BORING!  Come on, a star quarterback and Brazilian supermodel, and you can’t come up with something better than that?  How about Osmodiar Teflon, the favorite ridiculous name of a friend of mine?  Or maybe Movado Smartwater Balenciaga?  Or, since you should name for the endorsements you want, not the endorsements you have, Goldman Sachs Bundchen-Brady?  This kid already has a pretty good genetic lineage, will not have to worry about socio-economic status, and is destined for world domination, so let’s give him a name other than Benjamin.  Maybe Zuel?

3. Wayanses Sued for Stealing:

A former Wayans Brothers assistant says they stole his idea for a book and sold it as their own.  Jared Edwards sued the Wayans when their “101 Ways to Know You’re A Golddigger,” which closely resembled his “You know you’re a golddigger” idea.  Now, while this idea doesn’t seem to be (fox)worthy of stealing, you should know this is coming when working for the Wayans.  Most of the crap they’ve done lately is just parody scenes (Scary Movie 1-4 (!), Dance Flick) stolen from other well-known movies, or is utter unoriginal junk (White Chicks, Little Man).  They could have at least changed the name of the potentially pilfered book a little bit, instead of renaming it something extremely similar but grammatically awkward.  Don’t worry, though, Jared: it would have sucked no matter who published it.

4. Avatar Premieres:

Some movie that’s supposed to change everything everywhere came out.  It is not Old Dogs.

Thanks, entertainment media, for making us wait with bated breath for the name of a kid who will have the same initials as the Better Business Bureau!