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Blagojevich & Trump: The Dynamic Duo of Entrepreneurship, Hubris, and Bad Hair

January 5, 2010

It’s the proverbial match made in heaven, if by “heaven” you mean the celestial destination of utter jackasses. That’s right—former Illinois governor and current inmate-in-waiting Rod Blagojevich will be one of 14 cast members of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice 3, set for a March 14 premiere on NBC.

Surely Blagojevich will be considered the odds-on favorite to win the competition to become Donald Trump’s latest sidekick in irresponsible quasi-capitalist adventurism. Let’s just look at the core traits that Blago and the Donald share in common:

[Side note: Wasn’t there a long-lost track by Blago & the Donalds on the Nuggets box set? A cover of “Money (That’s What I Want),” perhaps? If not, there should have been.]

1. An indomitable spirit of uniquely American entrepreneurship. Blago (allegedly) tried to line his own pockets by selling the Illinois senate seat once occupied by Barack Obama. Through this act of creative entrepreneurship, Blago distinguished himself as especially corrupt among Illinois politicians, a feat of great magnitude akin to beating Lou Ferrigno in an arm-wrestling match. And as for Trump—well, we all know what he’s made of. Not only does he build lots of stuff and put his name on all of it, but he also has gotten millions of Americans to voluntarily look at this face on television for an hour every week. Now that’s a salesman.

2. Blinding narcissism and hubris. From the perspective presented in #1, Blago and Trump are impressive fellows all right, but to me they seem to exemplify the old phrase “pride before the fall.” Or in Blago’s case, “after the fall,” as we’ve already seen him tumble off his old power perch. It’s also frequently rumored that Trump’s claims of billionaire status are wildly inflated and based on elaborate accounting schemes that mask massive levels of debt. It seems he’s perpetually just one bad turn away from becoming the real-life version of Trading Places moguls-turned-mendicants Mortimer and Randolph. In other words, these are not great men.

3. Ludicrous hair. I mean, really. If their hairdos fucked, the offspring would be a rabid, mutant sewer rat that would destroy New York City.

So, with their shared business savvy, excessive pride, and horrific fright-wig man-perms, Rod Blagojevich and Donald Trump are probably going to be instant soulmates when Blago’s Celebrity Apprentice-ship begins in March. In that special way that only two morally and ethically bereft scumbags can be, they’re going to be thick as thieves.

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5 Comments
  1. T. D. permalink
    January 5, 2010 1:42 pm

    “If their hairdos fucked, the offspring would be a rabid, mutant sewer rat that would destroy New York City.”

    That’s one of the best sentences I’ve read in a long, long time.

  2. Jay St. Orts permalink
    January 5, 2010 9:57 pm

    Nice Nuggets joke. I wish there was an award I could give you.

  3. T. Stump permalink
    January 11, 2010 4:12 pm

    While former Governor Paul Patton (D-KY) earned his Harris Flush bonafides (or dare I say “boner-fides”, ha ha ha) during his two-term debacle, could you even imagine him destroying what remains of his credibility like this? Guv PeePee would withstand anything remotely against his constitution, like pushing for progressive mine-safety legislation, before even thinking about prostrating before the Worst Urban Planner since Le Corbusier.

    Want to hear something embarrassing? Like “Owned 2 Kenny G tapes” embarrassing? When Blagojevich first ran for Congress in 1996 against the guy who dethroned Dan Rostenkowski, I called my Chicago-based family members to solicit their support of Mr. Hairy Eyeball. Not that it mattered (Blago won by 10), but still…

    (puuuuuuuuke)

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