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McDonalds Serves Up Burgers, Chicken, Rage

January 12, 2010

There’s something about Mickey D’s.  While you may think a McDonald’s hamburger and “nuggets” stamped out of chicken concentrate are simply passable, semi-burnable calories, other people go crazy over them.  Take this lady, for example.  She spent $1-2 on her burger, which somehow did not meet her standards (I’m not sure what she was expecting).  Rather than give the woman her money back—for a burger that had apparently been eaten completely—the employees offered her another burger.  This, and perhaps the burger itself, did not sit well.  The lady goes nuts and wrecks shop, tossing a bucket of mop water and shoving cash registers off the counter.  All because a piece of meat and possibly cheese, on a nondescript bun, tasted…wrong.  Was it the onions that could have been scraped off?  Ketchup/mustard/mayonnaise that could have increased or decreased?  Pickles that could have been added or subtracted?  Or could it have been the burger itself that turned her into a raving lunatic?

But it doesn’t seem limited to “beef.”  This young lass was so pissed that she couldn’t get Chicken McNuggets at 6:30am that she punched the drive-thru attendant, then punched a manager, then punched through glass, perhaps so that her physical pain would match her existential pain at not being able to start her day with fowl bits.  What is it that is making people react so violently, and not just intestinally, when in the presence of McDonald’s food?

Although it may sound odd, I posit that the food has a mind of its own, not unlike The Stuff, serving as an alien parasite to its mostly human hosts.  When eaten (the burger) or when unable to be eaten (the McNuggets), the meats take control and turns the person into a mindless, flailing puppet.  Sometimes it results in inexplicable anger at defenseless, blameless employees.  Sometimes it comes out more explosively.  And sometimes, stranger still, nothing.  I urge you my friends, to monitor your own emotions when eating a Big Mac or a McGriddle, lest you fall prey to McMeatRage.

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