The Entertation Index: January 28

Alley, Kirstie – Yesterday Tomlin clued you in to the Twitter war between Joy Behar and Kirstie Alley, exacerbated when Alley said of Behar that she wanted to “bash her in the vagina.”  Sources tell us that noted lothario Charlie Sheen wanted in on the action when he misunderstood Alley to say she wanted to have “a bash in her vagina.”

Link: Alley v. Behar (Post Chronicle)

Cage, Nicolas – The Knowing star sold another house, this one in Vegas for $4.95 million.  This is the latest in Cage’s jettisoning of assets to satisfy his mountain of debt.  Not that he’s asking for sympathy, but I doubt he’ll find it when a sentence contains “Hollywood star forced to sell another home.”

Link: Cage Sells Another Home (Las Vegas Sun)

Degeneres, Ellen – American Idol’s newest judge is fuming over Simon Cowell’s tardiness.  Apparently, Cowell was an hour and a half late for a taping, time Degeneres had set aside for just that purpose to be able to accommodate both AI and her show.  Cowell supposedly responded with something snarky and cutting, perhaps involving the word “dreadful,” but got a pass since he said it in the Queen’s English and with a charming accent.

Link: Degeneres Angry (Deadline)

Montag, Heidi – The Hills co-star is flying home to confront her family, whom she has kept in the dark about her myriad plastic surgeries, with her “new me.”  If you check out the photo, Montag must still wear bandages around her head after the procedures, not to keep her brain from evaporating out of her ears as we first suggested.

Link: Montag Reveals New Self to Family (People)

O’Brien, Conan – Conan O’Brien performs “Free Bird” with Will Ferrell on his final Tonight Show, and hours later Ferrell’s wife Viveca Paulin gives birth.  Do you see the power of Conan now, NBC?  As ye sow, so shall ye reap!

Link: Conan Coaxes Ferrell Child (Huffington Post)

Sutherland, Kiefer – The 24 star was recently the victim of a bogus investment scheme involving cattle sales, which lost him $869,000.  While it’s difficult for some of us to understand how people become entangled in such scams, now is not the time for tut-tuts.  Please send The Brown Tweed Society $50 – $100 to fund our “Avoid Costly Investment Fraud” Celebrity Remuneration Fund.  We’ll make sure it gets to him.

Link: Sutherland Scammed (Monsters and Critics)