The Entertation Index: January 29

Abraham, F. Murray — Oscar-winning actor F. Murray Abraham interrupted a recent performance of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing in New York’s East Village to take on a would-be burglar he had seen slip into a dressing room. Abraham was punched by the intruder after the actor reportedly asked the thief if he bites his thumb at him, learned that he did bite his thumb at Abraham, asked again if the theif bites his thumb at him, and learned that the thief does indeed bite his thumb.

Link: F. Murray Abraham, Action Hero (NY Times)

Dirt, Joe — Variety reports that David Spade is in talks with TBS to create an animated series based on 2001’s The Adventures of Joe Dirt. Because, really, it would just be foolish not to keep riding the wave when you have something as hot and successful as that, right?

Link: Joe Dirt May Ride Again (Variety)

Gaga, Lady — The garish pop diva is rumored to be in talks with American Idol judge Simon Cowell to be a judge on his upcoming FOX project The X Factor. Apparently, Lady Gaga was confused and had believed the show to be titled The XY Factor — which would, according to rumors about the singer’s chromosome types, be perfect for her.

Link: Lady Gaga Could Join Simon on X Factor (MSNBC)

Osbourne, Ozzy — The Black Sabbath frontman tells Popeater that his family “invented a new form of television” with the docu-reality program The Osbournes. Thanks Ozzy, for spawning the genre which gave us Tommy Lee Goes to College, Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels, Growing Up Gotti and The Gastineau Girls. Now can someone tell me how to get this DeLorean up to 88 miles per hour?

Link: Ozzy Osbourne: “My Family Invented a New…Form of Television” (PopEater)

Salinger, J.D. — The reclusive author of The Catcher in the Rye died of natural causes in his home yesterday at age 91. The reclusive author hadn’t published anything since 1965, by his own refusal, and there has always been speculation that he kept writing. Looks like we’ll find out soon enough — in the meantime, all the best to the acclaimed writer’s family.

Link: J.D. Salinger: An Enigma to the Very End (USA Today)

Silverstone, Alicia — Attention, America: Alicia Silverstone is back, and she wants to tell you all about her poop. The actress, who is a longtime vegan, went on Oprah Wednesday to promote her cookbook, and the two had a lengthy discussion about bowel movements. Silverstone reveled in her speedy, “S-shaped” poops, which is a huge difference from her poops fifteen years ago, which had names like Batman & Robin, The Crush and Excess Baggage.

Link: Alicia Silverstone & Oprah Talk About Poop (Huffington Post)

Tequila, Tila — Celebrity Reality Star Internet Sensation Out-of-control train Tila Tequila is reportedly shopping around the first images of her ultrasound to prove she’s pregnant. The unborn child already has a Twitter account; its initial tweets have included “OMG luv you Christina Milian’s Fetus,” “This uterus rawx!” and “Can a baby get pair of Ugg boots up in here?”

Link: Tila Tequila Shopping Pregnancy Ultrasound Pic (Deceiver)

VH1 — The music/entertainment network, still staying away from its super-awesome reality show programming (one bad apple spoils the bunch, I guess) and announces four new shows: a dating advice show, a show about “the lives and loves” of young people at a ski resort, a program featuring a star from I Want to Work for Diddy, and a true-crime show exploring celebrity deaths. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: VH1, I’m not going to tell you exactly how to get me back, but I will say it involves heavy drinking, hair-pulling and the booting of at least one tramp-tattooed female per episode. Figure it out.

Link: VH1 Announces Four New Shows (Hollywood Reporter)

Wahoo, The Friday — What’s that, everyone? Please give us links to the pure vaudevillian beauty of The Muppet Show‘s Veterinarian Hospital? Well, okay. But only because it’s Friday. And only because it’s awesome. Have a great weekend, everyone.

Links: Here, here and here.