Things I Should Care About But Don’t

Friends, neighbors, and countrymen, let me apologize up front.  As of this writing it’s 5am and I’ve been up for about 3 hours.  I just put myself through over an hour of alternating Bill Maher and an infomercial for something called Zumba before I decided to visit some of my normal cyberspace hangouts.  To say I’m a bit cranky might be something of an understatement.  So please bear with me as I share with you some  musical news that really should get me excited, but doesn’t.

I’ll start with the news that assaults my eyeballs the most:  Hey world, there’s a new She & Him album coming out!  Folks, I really want to be excited about this, if for no other reason than the collective joygasm of the rest of the internet media.  I think Zooey Deschanel is very cute and Ben Gibbard is a stud.  I think Matt Ward is probably a cool fellow.  Despite all this, I never purchased or listened to the first She & Him album and I just can’t find it in me to look forward to a second one.  Sue me.

Nine Inch Nails’ guru Trent Reznor continues to Twitter after promising not to.  Oathbreaker.

Ending centuries of debate, Slash reveals that he did not play guitar on Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” and that he was just fake guitar playing during the video.  Speaking of “Black or White’s” signature riff, the always-politically-correct guitarist states:  “That’s gay.  I’d never play that.”   I feel an obligation to point out that the former Saul Hudson delivered this opinion while wearing a top hat and claiming Jackson was “amazing to watch.”  Hmmm.

Lady GaGa promises a new American tour soon, this time in 3D!  In my opinion, GaGa should apologize to Australia (where she’s currently touring) as fans there have to attend to the boring, 2D version of her show.  Tour organizers must be concerned with how GaGa will be able to add the extra dimension to her live performances, since GaGa’s idol Madonna was never quite able to pull this off.  I recommend that GaGa’s stage crew head on over to the Executive Bowl-A-Rama next to the airport in Louisville, KY this Friday night, where I’ll be happy to show them how to put on a 3D live show during the weekly “Karaoke Extravaganza.”

Last and least (and speaking of Louisville), fellow Kentuckian Will Oldham, known to most music fans as Bonnie “Prince” Billy, has his own line of bottle corks.  I kid you not.  Later!