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The Entertation Index: March 30

March 30, 2010

Breslin, AbigailLittle Miss Sunshine’s turn on Broadway as Helen Keller is being cut short due to bad reviews.  The Miracle Worker needs to jazz it up a bit, by adding a Proust-loving gay uncle and having Keller writhe on the stage to Rick James’ “Super Freak” (she will “feel” the music).

Link: Breslin Off Broadway (Canoe)

Dragon, How To Train Your – The DreamWorks Animation film, which has won high praise from critical circles and audiences, won the box-office last weekend.  It is obvious that Jesse James has not seen it.

Link: Dragon Smashes Box (EW)

Earth, Battlefield – The Scientology-based movie has won the Razzie for Worst Movie of the Decade, and screenwriter J.D. Shapiro has apologized.  Well, sometimes sorry isn’t enough.  But his apology is pretty funny, and somewhat illuminating (see link below).

Link: Battlefield Apology (NY Post)

Lohan, Lindsay – The troubled entertainer left a friend’s house in L.A. when she was photographed with white powder shooting out of her shoes.  News outlets have explained this as baby powder to help dry her feet after several accidents (like falling into a cactus) , but this is incontrovertible proof of what TBTS has been saying all along: Lindsay Lohan is made of cocaine.

Link: Lohan Powder (Popeater)

Martin, Ricky – The “Livin’ La Vida Loca” singer very recently confirmed that he was gay, after “long speculation” about his sexuality.  This was the same sort of “speculation” that surrounded the sexuality of Clay Aiken, Lance Bass, and Adam Lambert.  Glad we got that cleared up.

Link: Martin Comes Out (Washington Post)

Zolciak, Kim – This picture makes us think that perhaps we were mistaken, and that Zolciak starred on Real Housewives of House of 1000 Corpses.  Black-and-white makes it even creepier.

Link: Zolciak Wigs (Huffington Post)

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