The Entertation Index: April 15

Gosselin, Kate — The multiple-children matriarch who lives in Pennsylvania and is currently appearing on Dancing with the Stars (which films in L.A.), appeared on the Today Show (which films in New York) this morning to explain that the reasoning behind her new reality show Twist of Kate (in which she travels around the country helping families) is the only thing she can do, and that she has “no other options” than reality television. Look gang, no jokes here — this whole situation is bullshit. This woman isn’t entertaining anymore, and the entire scenario is sad. The sooner we just start ignoring her is the sooner her children have a mother again. Please, get with me on this. Now, back to the jokes.

Link: Kate Gosselin on “Today” — “No Option” Other Than Reality Shows (Huffington Post)

Gervais, Ricky — The Office star, who has been seen slimmed down during recent public sightings, tells reporters that he “had eleven sausages” on the day before he began his recent health kick. This strategy is not to be confused with that of singer Clay Aiken, who allegedly had eleven sausages before leaving a recent late-night club appearance.

Link: Ricky Gervais’ Sausage Feast (ContactMusic)

Griffin, Kathy — The comedienne, in an effort to prompt women across the world to take preventative care of their bodies, has announced that she will be both “bedazzling her va-jay-jay” and receiving a papsmear test while poolside at Los Angeles’ Palomar Hotel — or, as many are calling it, the worst pool party ever.

Link: Kathy Griffin’s Pap Smear: Poolside, Televised and Bedazzled (Huffington Post)

Jockeys, Disc — A school in Lyon, France called the “Ecole des DJ” has become the first official college for learning the art of professional, musical mixing and scratching. Classes will include copyright infringement topics, sampling, compiling, and trying to help your parents delude themselves into being able to deal with the fact that you “have to go to parties for a living” because they’re paying for you to get a degree to be a DJ.

Link: French School Puts a Formal Spin on DJ’s Role (Wall Street Journal)

Sheen, Charlie — The Two and a Half Men star, recently in trouble for assaulting his wife, has now been nabbed on film by In Touch Weekly visiting an escort smoking a cigarette, wearing dark glasses and sporting a thick, false moustache. One person happy that this was exposed is Barney Miller’s Hal Linden, whose wife kicked him out of the house months ago thinking the mysterious john was him.

Link: Charlie Sheen Caught Cheating (In Touch)

WarGames — The actual prop of the rudimentary IMSAI 8080 computer, which famously channeled a missile-launching supercomputer in 1983’s WarGames is prepared to go on sale to the public, and has been appraised at $25,000 — and fans are allegedly already clamoring to outbid one another. Before you deride this as ridiculous, however, bear in mind that many of the bidders have such expendable income, never having to spend cash on things like “dates” or “contraceptive devices.”

Link: WarGames’ “Shall We Play a Game?” Computer for Sale; Credit Cards at DEFCON 1 (engadget)