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A TBTS Good Idea™: Jon Gosselin’s New Career Voicing a Suburban Tweety Bird

April 25, 2010

Sometimes we tiny, meager humans are met with such a glowing gift that it’s hard not to feel the presence of some benevolent guiding force. God, the Great Spirit, Rick Moranis—call it what you will, but sometimes even the most skeptical among us are compelled to confront the possibility that this force is out there, working on humanity’s behalf.

Other times, of course, it’s quite easy to believe with great certainty that we are alone in the spiritual sense. The “If a benevolent God is out there, then why is there so much _____?” argument can be quite compelling when there are so many horrific things that fill that blank on a daily basis. War, suffering, injustice, Jon Gosselin…sometimes the pain and evil are simply too much to bear, and one’s capacity for faith is reduced to almost nil.

Well, prepare yourselves, because I’m about to fill your faith hole with the warm goo of spiritual insight. Check out this TBTS Good Idea™ and tell me there isn’t at least the possibility of a higher power at work, even in relation to a potent symbol of vast interstellar nothingness such as Jon Gosselin.

On Cartoon Network’s upcoming retooling of the Looney Tunes franchise, Jon Gosselin should provide the voice of Tweety Bird. Let’s think about it:

Jon Gosselin needs work. He wants to be on TV.

Cartoon Network is launching a revival of the revered Looney Tunes cartoon franchise. The new series “takes Bugs and Daffy out of the woods and puts them into the suburbs with ‘colorful neighbors’ including Yosemite Sam, Granny, Tweety and Sylvester,” according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Jon Gosselin wants to be on TV, but literally no one on the planet wants to SEE Jon Gosselin on TV anymore. Looney Tunes will be animated. Hello, voice talent.

Tweety Bird needs a voice. Jon Gosselin already kinda sounds like Tweety Bird.

The new Looney Tunes will apparently feature the famed characters in “suburban” settings. If the Cartoon Network honchos are smart, they will preserve the utter misanthropy and callousness of the old Looney Tunes cartoons. Is there any better symbol of suburban misanthropy and callousness than Jon Gosselin?

I could go on, but I’m starting to think my little corner of the universe might explode in a burst of joyous cosmic convergence if I continue pointing out just how perfect this pairing is.

OK, one more: teach Kate Gosselin a lisp, and she could totally play Sylvester the Cat. TV has already reduced the Gosselin saga to a cartoonish spectacle—why not just go ahead and make their war an actual Tweety – Sylvester cartoon?

One Comment
  1. Caleb permalink
    April 25, 2010 9:39 pm

    Brilliance = “I’m about to fill your faith hole with the warm goo of spiritual insight.”

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