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Parents Complain About Naughty Lyric on Wendy’s Kids’ Meal CD, Apparently OK With Stuffing Fast Food Into Kids

June 15, 2010

It’s a crazy, dangerous, mixed-up world out there for young children.  A parent has to protect a child against so many things—drugs, alcohol (which, people should be reminded, is a drug), toxic toys, kidnappers, venomous pets, Justin Bieber.  Add to the list morally bankrupt, predatory fast food chains attempting to sneak sexually explicit messages to toddlers through Motown and disco CD samplers given away with Kids’ Meals.  Turns out Wendy’s recently pulled just such a CD due to parent complaints over a line from the “dirty” version of Donna Summer’s “Last Dance” that says “I’m so horny” instead of the clean version’s “I’m so bad.”

Who knows how many hundreds, perhaps thousands, of those accursed CDs got out before they were recalled and burned on Purity Pyres fueled with the Lighter Fluid of Righteousness?  Who knows how many parents were asked by wide-eyed, innocent tykes what “horny” means?  Who knows how many parents answered by simply lying, like most parents do when asked about anything remotely related to physical intimacy?  (Answer: most.)  OK, but what about those who didn’t lie, and had to explain that it was the “Swingin’ Seventies” and everyone had “disco fever,” and then had to explain what disco was, and when little Jimmy started crying after hearing the story of disco, Mommy said, “don’t worry, sweetie, disco is dead,” and then Daddy, drunk, said disco was NOT dead, it was just sleeping, and put in a Jamiroquai CD to prove it, but he didn’t really prove anything because he passed out before it even got to “Cosmic Girl”…

We knew this was coming.  We knew something was wrong.   Ever since the passing of its beloved, cherubic owner Dave Thomas, Wendy’s has gone straight to hell.  First they added other flavors of Frosties, then Grilled Chicken Go Wraps, then Mandarin orangesMandarin freaking oranges?  From the restaurant that invented the Baconator Triple?  But that’s how it begins, doesn’t it?  Give away a CD with repulsive lyrics FREE (the first one’s always free, isn’t it, Wendy’s?) to get kids hooked on the porn.  A few years down the road, you’ve got an army of sex-crazed teens giving ZJs (if you have to ask, you can’t afford it) to the night manager behind a Wendy’s dumpster for a Double Stack while he says with a greasy smile, “I’ll hot-stuff your baked potato!

Well, Wendy’s, les jeux sont fait.  We figured out your little game of “Hide the Sleaze.”  We should have realized something was fishy (and it ain’t the Premium Fish Fillet Sandwich) from a joint selling a rhomboid hamburger.  Maybe we’ll be back, someday, after you clean up your act.  Maybe we’ll even order a Crispy Chicken Sandwich Kids’ Meal with a Hi-C Flashin’ Fruit Punch.  But this time, you can keep the smut.

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2 Comments
  1. tim permalink
    June 19, 2010 5:31 pm

    you have to much time on your hands

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