The Entertation Index: June 16

Aniston, Jennifer – The Friends co-star will appear alongside Colin Farrell in Horrible Bosses, playing a provocative and sexually aggressive part that may show heretofore unseen Aniston naughty-bits.  Hey, tabloid press, you need to be on this: it somehow means that Aniston just can’t keep a man!

Link: Aniston’s Next Role (People)

God – The Big Dude/Chick/Sumpin in the Sky/Earth/Wherever has been sending some mixed messages lately.  First a bolt of lightning strikes and burns down Touchdown Jesus, then another bolt strikes a containment ship collecting oil from the blown-out BP well.  If North Korea wins the World Cup (2000-1 odds), start repenting.

Link: BP, Jesus Statue Feel God’s Wrath (Gawker)

Hilton, Perez – Celebrity blogger Hilton might be in some major legal trouble after posting upskirt photos of Miley Cyrus on his site.  Since Cyrus is still 17 and a minor, Hilton could face 15 years in prison on child pornography charges.  Oh, Perez, did you ever foresee it ending like this?  I don’t think prison is the place for you.

Link: Hilton to the Bighouse? (PopEater)

Kidman, Nicole – Keith Urban, Kidman’s husband, says their daughter Sunday Rose is “a combination of both of us so far, but she got my wife’s legs.”  This automatically makes Sunday six feet tall, and leaves Kidman waiting for prosthetics.

Link: Kidman’s Daughter (Showbiz Spy)

The only BP news that matters.

Pitt, Brad – In perhaps the most important new ever, Pitt has finally shaved his beard!  Before you become overjoyed, realize that some poor barber’s place of business will be ransacked for chin-clippings to auction on eBay, glue to a voodoo doll, or clone.

Link: Pitt Shaves (X17 Online)

Spelling, Tori – The Beverly Hills 90210 alum tells USA Today that anorexia rumors bug her.  Her ultra-skinny frame, she says, is due to swine flu, and stomach pain, and migraine, and nerves, and…unfortunately the interview was cut short when Spelling was carried away by a light breeze.

Link: Spelling Dispels Rumors (USA Today)