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Lady Gaga, Sports Fan

June 19, 2010


From: Tad Baxter, William Morris Agency

To: The Entire Lady Gaga Team

RE: Next Steps??


I want you all to know how very proud I am of your recent work with our high-profile client Lady Gaga. Her visibility has never been stronger and she seems clearly positioned to take a run at the same type of legacy enjoyed by major names before her like Madonna, Cher and others. I applaud everyone’s hard work in creating the Gaga “brand.”

As you also know, on June 10 Lady Gaga attended a Mets-Padres baseball game at the Mets’ Citi Field, wearing flannel and a leather jacket (great post-ironic throwback to grunge AND rockabilly!). When fans noticed her attendance, she gave them the “middle finger.” This type of blatant diva-esque behavior is top notch, and Junior staffer Stephen Goldman should be recognized for conceiving this idea. Great work, Stephen!

On June 18, Gaga attended a Yankees-Mets game, wearing fishnet stockings and black lace underwear beneath a Yankees jersey, and gave press the stellar quote in which she compared herself to Yankees closer Mariano Rivera. Chad Hallowell should be given accolades for this stellar idea as it further cements our client as a New York staple. 

With these recent successes in the area of professional sports appearances, the prospect of making Gaga synonymous with professional sports may very well be an avenue worth exploring. After pow-wowing extensively with the Gaga creative branding team, I would like for us all to be on the same page as to our client’s next moves. 

June 24: The NBA Draft

Gaga will appear in the crowd at the NBA draft wearing a vintage Bill Laimbeer jersey (he played by his own rules too!) and, when detected, will make lewd hand gestures by slapping her upper arm with one hand and raising her forearm. Can someone run this through legal, check into whether this is defamatory to Italians?  We don’t want to rock that boat. Carla — make sure cameras are present. 

July 17: Baltimore Orioles-Toronto Blue Jays Baseball Game

Gaga will be dressed in full Argentian gaucho attire (protesting the oil spill? Research please) and repeatedly make amorous gestures toward Baltimore shortstop Julio Lugo. When the jumbotron cameras inevitably pick up on Gaga’s gesticulating, she will look directly into the camera and perform a pantomime of a sorceress casting a spell. This, she will later explain, was a metaphor for how fame has turned her into a sorceress expected to continuously enchant (can she do this on Larry King? Great ratings).

July 25: NASCAR Racing Sprint Cup

Wearing an exposed bra adorned with chrome fragments, Gaga will call attention to Mitsubishi’s 2002 catalytic converter recall for all Mitsubishi Lancers and Lancer Sportbacks. During the race, Gaga will herself run around in circles (get her a spacious luxury box within clear view of cameras) to emulate the futile search for one’s self in, alternately, the NASCAR world or the world of musical superstardom. Keith, please leak this explanation to reporters.

September 9: Canoe-Kayak World Slalom Championships

Wearing a hat made of flypaper and mousetraps (representing the gruesome, inhumane trappings of fame), Gaga will sit on a giant plaster toadstool with one hand in the air at all times, to elaborately signify how fame turns one into a human proxy for a magical fairy character who perpetually hangs from a brass ring of stardom. (Helen, please recruit and plant audience members who will appear to know exactly what this means and spread it among the crowd — don’t forget to have them sign confidentiality agreements).  

October 3: Twin Cities Marathon

Gaga will run 26.2 miles in Minnesota’s Twin Cities Marathon. Dressed as a “fame robot.”

November 20: Women’s Volleyball NCAA Division III Championship

The entire time cameras are on her, Gaga will place her index finger and her thumb together in a circle and use her opposite index finger to slide in and out of the circle. Then she will collapse, as if she has had too much of fame and is a natural resource tapped by mankind for their entertainment. The world will realize what it has done, and everyone will weep. Keith, see if The View can give us ten minutes on this.

Keep up the good work, everyone.


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