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The Entertation Index: July 2

July 2, 2010

Airbender, The Last — Poor M. Night Shyamalan. He really needed a hug after Lady in the Water, and people are still laughing at The Happening. Now he’s facing fire again as today’s debut of The Last Airbender is scorched by reviewers (of eighty-one current Rotten Tomato reviews, only three are positive). Want proof? Check out TIME’s review below, which calls it “rock bottom” for the director. Perhaps, though, the critics have failed to catch on to Shyamalan’s greatest twist yet: all this time the movie has been reviewing them!

Link: “The Last Airbender” Review: Worst Movie Epic Ever? (TIME)

Bieber, Justin —  The 16 year-old pop sensation took to Twitter yesterday in attempts to dispel some “crazy” rumors by announcing that he is in fact not dead, nor has he “joined the Illuminati.” The latter disappointed female fans across the globe who believe “Illuminati” to be the name of a cute new boy band.  It should also be noted that despite protests to the opposite, Many still believe Bieber’s hair to be the product of nefarious underground forces.

Link: Bieber is Neither Dead Nor in the Illuminati, He Confirms (CNN)

Security deposit is first and last month's rent. No pets, no parties.

 

Dogg, SnoopNew York Magazine reports that rapper Snoop Dogg was recently shot down for — wait for it — trying to rent the entire country of Liechtenstein. While planning to shoot a new music video there, Snoop’s management contacted a Liechtenstein property agent who actually told press that “It would have been possible, but Snoop Dogg’s management did not give us enough time.” Had this gone according to plan, experts believe it may have led to the longest episode of Cribs ever.

Link: Snoop Dogg Tried to Rent Liechtenstein (NY Mag)

Down, Party — Looks like Starz has gone and, like many have before it, destroyed something beautiful. Boooooooooo.

Link: Party Down Canceled (Deadspin)

Stars, Eighties Pop — If you were planning on killing yourself this weekend, good news! You have something new to live for, because as if the impending Sharktopus wasn’t enough to keep your head out of that oven (and your life must really suck if it wasn’t), Syfy has announced that their upcoming film Mega-Python Vs. Gatoroid will not only presumably star a robot alligator and oversized snake, but will star 80’s divas Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. And they will fight each other. I haven’t been this excited about an 80’s brawl set against a backdrop of ridiculous animal-electronic hybrids since Billy Ocean took on Keith Sweat with a cybertronic raccoon and a remote-controlled komodo dragon.

Link: Tiffany, Debbie Gibson to Battle in Syfy Movie (Billboard)

Stewart, Kristen — Titular frowny-face Kristen Stewart is not only constantly unhappy, as it would appear by any photograph ever taken of her (seriously, can somebody please get this girl a video of the piano-playing cat?),  she’s also apparently petrified that her adoring fan base is going to try to kill her. As she tells a British magazine, “”I look out there at a thousand people and I realize they could rush me and assassinate me.” Feasibly, however, it would seem that fake plastic vampire teeth aren’t really sharp enough to do any true damage. Watch out for flying calculators and angst, Kristen!

Link: Kristen Stewart Worries Fans Could “Assassinate” Her (PopEater)

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