The Entertation Index: July 30

Bertinelli, Valerie — The One Day at a Time star and Eddie Van Halen ex is preparing to tie the knot again with boyfriend Tom Vitale. Bertinelli is reportedly fluctuating repeatedly between a small wedding and a large one, then a small one, then a large one. No word yet on whether an infomercial on “how to make your wedding small and keep it small” is on the way.

Link: Second Wedding Just a Ceremony to Valerie Bertielli (Boston Herald)

Fisher, Amy — I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “what in the world is Amy Fisher, famous only for two months in 1992, going to do with her life?” Wonder no more —  the Long Island Lolita has signed a contract with DreamZone Entertainment to star in four adult films before the end of 2011. This move surprises very few, we’ve always known that Fisher is really into Buttafuocoing.

Link: Amy Fisher Porn Movie Deal (HuffPo)

McPherson, Steve — ABC Television head of entertainment Steve McPherson resigned his post earlier this week in a move many thought was related to internal clashes with top brass at Disney, but today it’s alleged that the real reason McPherson stepped down was due to a massive investigation into “multiple” sexual harassment claims. Sources tell TBTS that the allegations accuse McPherson of asking several female ABC staffers if they’d “like to see how Mr. Cooper is hanging,” offered to show several female interns what he called “The Hughleys” and, on at least one occasion, told an English co-worker he’d like to “pre-empt the British Open.”

Link: Steve McPherson Resigned Amid Alleged Sexual Harassment Probe (Hollywood Reporter)

Potter, Harry — A guest on the “Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey” ride at Universal Studios’ “Wizarding World of Harry Potter” attraction became panicked after a malfunction caused the ride to stop, called 911, and several guests had to be helped off the ride. The man was revealed to be his own wizard of sorts, which Universal Studios acted quickly to defeat before he was able to evoke the powerful spell Litigicus Affidavitus.

Link: Rider Panics as Universal’s Harry Potter Ride Malfunctions (AOL)

Redstone, Sumner — The Viacom/CBS television magnate is in hot water as it has been suspected that his weakness for bestowing lavish gifts upon much younger women, to the tune of more than $100,000, may legally constitute the misuse of company funds. Though really, how can you place a price tag on a complete Daria box set, a loose-leaf table from the set of Rules of Engagement and the cat puppet from Sabrina the Teenage Witch?

Link: Did Sumner Redstone’s Alleged Dalliances Affect Viacom’s Bottom Line? (Contactmusic)

Yogi Bear — Jesus, I wish you would stop going on and on all the time about how they should make a live action and CGI mixed 3-D movie about Yogi Bear with Dan Aykroyd voicing Yogi and Justin Timberlake voicing Boo Boo. Fine. Warner Brothers is making it. Will you shut up about it now?

Link: Yogi Bear in 3D Was a Bad Idea, Clearly (Gawker)