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TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending August 7, 2010)

August 7, 2010

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  Kim Kardashian Tweets Her Cleavage:

Again.  And again.  In fact, were I to perform a review of KiKa’s extensive TwitPic history, which I will not do, I bet a significant percentage of the photos would involve cleavage and duck-face.  This is to be expected because this is the only reason Kardashian became and remains famous.  Well, she became famous for another reason.  I’ll let Laurence Fishburne’s daughter Montana, who recently made her porn debut, explain: “I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.”

It seems every update of Kim’s has something to do with her figure.  This is a shame since, although she may have other talents for business or acting or science or something, she’s never going to be known for them.  (Whether this is her fault, or Hollywood culture’s, or society’s is another discussion for another time.)  This is also upsetting because other young women are apparently viewing this as a legitimate trajectory to a career in…what, exactly?  I don’t know if there’s anything wrong with taking pride in what God gave you or the surgeon made you, but please don’t let that define you to the exclusion of all other qualities.

2. Emma Watson Gets A New Haircut:

Originally known by the government as ELE, or Extinction Level Event.

Watson got a new hairstyle, yo, and it has changed history.  Well, perhaps it hasn’t, but Hermione going from long tresses to a pixie cut has produced the adjectives “daring,” “edgy,” “drastic,” and “radical.”  “Daring” might more accurately describe a night-time sneak attack across the Delaware, or walking a tightrope hundreds of feet in the air without a safety net.  (“Stupid” also comes to mind for that last one.)  “Edgy” would apply more to an innovative approach to something rather than to a hairdo that has been around since at least Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby.  “Drastic” would be selling a kidney to buy a date with Justin Bieber.  “Radical” should be used in the context of fringe political views, or if someone had performed a flip fakie in the 1980s.  Kudos to Watson for doing something she’s wanted to do for a few years, until we reach a point where physical appearance becomes the most important thing about a person, these words should be saved for things whose importance merits them.   Oh, wait… (see #1 above).

3. Amy Winehouse Gets Drunk, Embarrasses Herself and Others:

Constant train wreck Amy Winehouse accompanied new boyfriend, director Reg Travis, to the launch of African-themed restaurant Shaka Zulu.  The party boasted an appearance by Goodwill Zwelithini, whom you will recognize as the actual King of the actual Zulus.  Seriously.  So you would have expected Winehouse to dress appropriately and conduct herself with the requisite tact and decorum, right?  WRONG!  Of course she didn’t!  She showed up smashed off her ass with her hooters hanging out, stumbling around and actual sleeping at the head table in full view of Mr. Zwelithini while His Highness gave a speech!  Which is exactly what you would have expected Amy Winehouse to do.  Can you really fault her?  Well, yes, but one must question the judgment of the person who brought her.  Reg had to know that the probability of this happening was asymptotically approaching 1.  Sorry mate, but I’ve got to call you out for this one.

4. Wyclef Jean May Run For President of Haiti:

The ex-Fugee, born in Haiti, is considering a run for the top political spot in the impoverished, earthquake-ravaged nation.  While most successful singers are out clubbing and—hey, hold on.  This actually is pretty newsworthy.

Thanks, entertainment media, for elevating a haircut to “cultural revolution” status!

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