TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending August 14, 2010)

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  TV Brings Single Moms to the Forefront Again:

Dan Quayle (a vice president, remember him?) vs. Murphy Brown (a fictional character, remember her?).  In 1992, it was probably not the first time a politician or talking head fired a shot across the bow of single motherhood, but it was certainly the most famous.  Quayle pretty much got laughed out of town for railing on a non-actual person for choosing single motherhood over either childlessness or acrimonious, loveless marriage.

Fast forward to a few days ago when Jennifer Aniston, promoting her new artificial-insemination/single-motherhood flick The Switch, commented, “Women are realizing it more and more knowing that they don’t have to settle with a man just to have that child.”  Political and cultural commentator Bill O’Reilly, while not criticizing single moms per se, found fault with Aniston’s words, calling them “destructive to our society” and “diminishing the role of the dad.”  He continued, “Dads bring a psychology to children that is in this society, I believe, under-emphasized…I think men get hosed all day long in the parental arena.”  Aniston couldn’t let that go, and said in People magazine, “Of course, the ideal scenario for parenting is obviously two parents of a mature age. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on earth.  And, of course, many women dream of finding Prince Charming (with fatherly instincts), but for those who’ve not yet found their Bill O’Reilly, I’m just glad science has provided a few other options.”

Touché, Ms. Aniston.  Perhaps what all children need is a father who can teach his children the proper uses for loofahs/falafels.  In the meantime, maybe our cultural commentators (TBTS contributors excepted—we are all perfect in every way) should spend more time keeping their own glass houses in order.

2. Actress Might Be Sparking the Owl:

Mischa Barton, of mostly The O.C. fame, was photographed on a yacht in St. Tropez blazing with what looked like a (*gasp*) joint, also known as a “marijuana cigarette” to high school guidance counselors and police reports.  Dammit, people.  Not two weeks ago I wrote in this same column that it is not news when actors smoke stuff they ain’t supposed to.  But someone decided to take picture of a sort-of famous person on a private yacht in another country smoking something which may or may not be an illegal substance, and sell it to a tabloid.  For shame, Ms. Barton.  Perhaps you should have chosen a more high-society drug like powder cocaine or whatever the rich kids are taking these days.  For such a grave transgression, you’ll surely never work in Hollywood again.  Right?

3. Another Guest Appearance on Glee:

Surprise!  Britney Spears is set to make a guest appearance on Glee next season.  Wait, that doesn’t surprise you?  Is that because everybody whose has been famous or is currently famous or might become famous has appeared or will appear on Glee?  John Stamos, Javier Bardem, Carol Burnett, Kristen Chenoweth, Neil Patrick Harris, Chord Overstreet (?), Taye Diggs, Molly Shannon…you get the picture.  And this upcoming season will only be Glee’s second.  This will soon reach the number of The Simpsons guest voices, and could surpass the number of judges, guest judges, and mentors on American Idol, which as you know recently fractured our number system and made Grigori Perelman cry.  Please think about what you’re doing, Glee.  Humanity must survive until we see how Lindsay Lohan does after rehab.

4. Scientists Create Invisibility Cloth:

But it’s only a 1-cm square piece of silk, and it doesn’t yet work in the visible light portion of the electromagnetic spectrum.  Holler at me when it really works.  (You’ll have to holler, because I won’t be able to see you.)

Thanks, entertainment media, for beaming private pictures of private acts to the public!