TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending August 21, 2010)

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  Courtney Love is Frigging Crazy:

So we’ve gone to the well a few times with this one.  Sue us.  You can’t deny, though, that Courtney Love, who has never seemed to have a solid grip on sanity, has only gotten crazier.  But she’s gotten better, or less vocal, or less reported on, you say.  Maybe you gave her the benefit of the doubt, or maybe you just tried to forget her.  That was before Twitter.

When her daughter, Frances Bean, turned 18, Courtney got her what most moms get their daughters upon entering adulthood: a creepy, rambling, incoherent, threatening(?), and ultimately very very sad series of tweets.  As if the girl hasn’t gone through enough, losing her dad before she was two, now her mom goes completely, publicly cuckoo, again.  You can’t blame Frances for getting a restraining order against her ma.  It’s a miracle the teenager has turned out as well as she has.  Good luck, kid.  You’ll need it.

2. Someone Blames Personal Failings on Fame:

Real Housewife of New Jersey Teresa Giudice and husband Joe owe $11 million to various creditors, but the reason she’s still bankrupt, according to a friend: “If she wasn’t on the show, this all would be much easier.  Everything would be settled by now, but because she is now famous everyone is using the situation to get press for themselves and humiliate her and her family. It’s honestly got to the point where she’s not sure if she wants to come back for another season.”  Got that?  The fame Giudice achieved by voluntarily going on a program to totally not be famous, just to show what her life is like and stuff, is the reason that she hasn’t paid her debts yet.  What is not explained is how other people using her for fame, and the supposed humiliation of her family (by other people, not by themselves, according to the quote), have kept her from paying what she owes.  And if it is being on the show that is causing her such misery, why go back for another season?  Because that explanation is 100% bullshit.

To be fair, the quote is from an anonymous “friend,” so who knows what the Giudices really think, or why they’re really unable to repay their debts.  Actually we do know why they can’t pay some of their debts.  Because shortly after filing for bankruptcy, they reportedly went on a $60,000 shopping spree!  That probably could have paid off a couple credit cards.  But no, it’s bright lights and thankless coattail riders who are keeping the Giudices in the (well-appointed) poorhouse.

The love that dared not speak its name, because its name was stupid.

3. Speidi Divorcing, Spencer to Write “Tell-All”:

The unbreakable did-they-or-didn’t they marital bond between Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, forged alongside the One Ring deep in Orodruin, is cracking.  All of Middle America is despairing because if it could happen to them, it could happen to us!

The probability of Speidi divorcing in a given year was equal to the probability that Lindsay Lohan will violate her probation in any given year: almost 1.  I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did.  Now, even less surprising, we learn that Spencer will write a “tell-all” book that will blow the lid off all of their relationship and family secrets, of which there can be none because everything they’ve ever done has been recorded and broadcast.  As for Spencer’s tweet that his book will be “equal parts Tolstoy & Hemingway,” we assume that means the book will have a cover, like most of Tolstoy’s writings, and pages, which featured prominently in several of Hemingway’s works.  The tome is expected, but not yet confirmed, to contain written words as well.

4. Brett Favre Not Retiring, Probably:

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me four times…

Thanks, entertainment media, for giving crazy people the press they deserve!