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TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending August 28, 2010)

August 28, 2010

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

Well, maybe they have a point.

1.  Lindsay Lohan Back To Her Old Habits?:

Huffington Post cribs a People source who worries about Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety perhaps being short-lived: “We’ve seen these moments of ‘purity’ before, but as soon as she gets a taste of the nightlife and the drama, she usually falls back into old habits fast.”  What has given this anonymous source such cause for concern?  Well, LiLo got her license reinstated, then was seen picking up friends in a rented Maserati after midnight with a Red Bull at her side.  And she’s tweeting again!

So, Lindsay getting her license back, which will allow her to do things like drive to work, pick up groceries, and taxi drunk friends around so they don’t drive under the influence (one of the things that got her in trouble) somehow counts as a harbinger of impending shitfacedness.  In a Maserati?  Well, Mabel, somebody’s “gainfully employed” again!  And Red Bull?  ZOMG!  Can vodka and club-hopping till daylight be far behind?

Tweeting had to be the last straw, though.  Communicating in the same fashion that she and millions of people under 30 do obviously means she’ll be passed out on a highway median sleeping on a pillow of cocaine by the end of the week.  Sorry, HuffPo, People, and the rest.  While Lindsay may end up falling off the wagon again, I’m not buying it on the basis of your newest “evidence.”

2. Miley Cyrus Gets Spanked By Mama:

On her “Can’t Be Tamed” DVD behind-the-scenes clip, Miley gets spanked by her mom, Tish, for some sass-mouth.  It’s a good thing the film crew was there to catch either this shocking and brutal display of corporal punishment by an authoritarian parent, or this playful dynamic between loving mother and daughter, or this blatant show of disrespect for a feckless parent by a spoiled and rich teenager.  Or perhaps it was just a little horseplay for the camera, since everyone there knew the DVD for “Can’t Be Tamed” would have to include some crazy, candid moments like Miley not hurling profanities and her mom not really being angry to sweeten the pot and convince people to buy such an item.  Come on, folks, this is not (necessarily) the real Miley.  Any time anyone is on camera and knows it, there is acting involved.  Truly candid requires telephoto lenses and secret recording devices.

3. Gerard Depardieu Doesn’t Care for Juliette Binoche:

Sometimes public beef is just for press, sometimes it’s real.   In the case of Depardieu vs. Binoche, it sure sounds real.  In an interview with Austrian periodical Profil, Depardieu disparages Oscar winner Binoche’s talent as “nothing.”  Now, to be absolutely fair, since Depardieu is French, giving an interview to an Austrian paper published in German translated into English by The Guardian, maybe something got lost in translation.  This would be plausible if he had said, “Binoche is wonderfulamazingtastic,” but the French word for that adjective and “nothing” are very similar.  However, Depardieu continued, and very likely was not mistranslated: “Please can you explain to me what the secret of this actress is meant to be?  I would really like to know why she has been so esteemed for so many years. She has nothing. Absolutely nothing!”  Oh well.  We’ll just have to wait and see how the woman who won an Academy Award for The English Patient and was nominated for Chocolat survives the devastating verbal onslaught of the star of Green Card and My Father The Hero.

4. A Sort of Super Tuesday:

A bunch of primaries occurred on Tuesday, but here at TBTS, primaries are secondary to your entertainment.  Heyo!

Thanks, entertainment media, for announcing the Lohan relapse before it happens!

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