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Stay At Home Sunday: What You’re Missing at the Multiplex

October 10, 2010

 

This year's feel-good movie about a double-death of a young child's parents.

 

Look. It’s Sunday. Don’t go to the movies today.

First off, if you’re a sports fan, there are baseball playoffs and football games all day long. Titanic athletic struggles not your thing? Then try The Amazing Race (still one of the classiest and most interesting reality competitions), Family Guy (still fairly tapped into the zeitgeist, though not as much as two years ago), Boardwalk Empire (so great), Bored to Death (intellectual slapstick) or Eastbound & Down.

And why not make Sunday a TV night? It would seem that you’re not particularly missing anything this weekend at the cineplex. Let’s take a look at this weekend’s offerings (with help from Rotten Tomatoes‘ review meter), shall we?

Secretariat (65% positive). Every seven years since 2003, a heartwarming tale of a special racehorse challenges everything you thought you knew about racehorses. And specialness. Just like Seabiscuit, Secretariat (who, by the way, was way more accomplished than Seabiscuit) was also surrounded by people who “just needed a dream to come true.” Did Secretariat fulfil that dream for these broken people? You’ll have to see the movie to find out. (He did.)

-Life As We Know It (29% positive). Katherine Heigl plays a high-strung, uptight career girl (surprise!) whose life is turned upside down when she’s paired with over-masculine Josh Duhamel, a terrible fit for her (uh-oh!) and the two are granted joint guardianship of a couple’s child after the couple is suddenly killed. Hilari…wait. That’s kind of a downer. That’s not funny! If you’re counting at home, that makes Life As We Know It a.) another Katherine Heigl film in which she plays almost exactly the same character she plays in every other movie, b.) another movie where two people who couldn’t be more wrong for each other learn to fall in love, c.) a movie about how having a child “changes” people,” and d.) the absolute worst way for a couple with a child to try to hook two of their mutual friends up together.

-My Soul to Take (8% Positive). if you’re wondering why we’re seeing countless remakes of movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, the umpteenth sequels to Saw or yet another slew of Asian horror remake, it’s likely because no one is putting together anything that truly original and interesting in the horror genre. And that includes Wes Craven, who is the master of this sort of thing. True, Eli Roth’s The Last Exorcism opened to pretty solid reviews (though even at that, it was somewhat derided as a mix between The Exorcist and The Blair Witch Project), and that’s a good thing. But My Soul to Take wasn’t even pre-screened by critics, which is always a vote in the “sweeping this one under the rug” column. Again, it’s really a shame, because it seems that this is a genre ready for another spin (the last one came up “torture porn,” and we’re still somewhat riding that). Indie directors, step up and make some good horror flicks that can go mainstream — man up and cut out those gross NC-17 scenes your “artistic integrity and commitment to realism” is dictating you leave in, and you could be the next Craven. It’s a wide open slot right now. The Saw guy blew it.

-Legend of the Guardian: The Owls of Ga’Hoole (48% Positive). Super-owls! Do I need to say more? I do? Okay.  Zack Snyder directed this, so if you loved all the action of 300 but wonder what it would be like to replace the ancient warriors of that film with Helen Mirren as a barn owl, you are in for a real treat.

-Case 39 (22% Positive). If you’re wondering why most of the reviews you read of Case 39 are from last year, it’s because Case 39 was made in 2006, sat around on a shelf, and then only was released in Latin America and Europe in August of 2009. This is because it stars both Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper, and now that they’re a Hollywood couple, the studio thought they could probably milk twelve dollars here and there from an unknowing Access Hollywood crowd. Oh, it also features a plot wherein Zellweger tries to kill a child, which is also kind of a buzzkill.

-The Social Network (97% Positive). You can’t go wrong with Aaron Sorkin, David Fincher, Justin Timberlake and the comeuppance of a billionaire jerkoff. But hey, let’s face it — if you’re really into Facebook, I don’t need to be telling you how to kill some time on a Sunday.

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  1. The Entertation Index: October 13 « The Brown Tweed Society

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