TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending October 23, 2010)

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  Some Famous Ladies Haven’t Done It in A While:

While their definition might differ from yours, Snooki and Brandy, reveal that they haven’t had sex in “a while.”  For Snooki , the dry spell’s been three months; for Brandy, a few years.  The fact that this is considered reportable news is ridiculous.  Should famous women be getting laid all the time?  Brandy specifically says that she tends to abstain if she’s not in a committed relationship, which is the lesson that society says it wants to teach young women, while simultaneously bombarding them with hyper-sexualized images and then acting shocked if they aren’t constantly trolling for strange dick and busting out their Silver Bullets in between dudes (or dudettes, for that matter).

On the shorter end, Snooki’s three-month celibacy was the topic of breathless speculation and enlightened discussion on some radio show called “Mojo in the Morning.”  Yes, these types of shows have to feature some tawdry banter to get ratings, but come on, three months?  There are a million reasons why someone not in a relationship—or in one—might forego sex for 90 days, not least of which for Snooki is finding a suitable bed-buddy in her social circle who doesn’t look like a walking Valtrex commercial.

It’s no wonder most people in this country are so screwed up when it comes to sex.  Snooki and Brandy, you’ll get no such condemnations or “Whaa?” faces from us.  Whatever the reason, ladies, if you’re down with what you’re doing or not doing, so are we.

2. A Formerly Famous Person Commits a Crime:

Victoria Rathgeb, 1968’s Playmate of the Year under the name Angela Dorian, has pleaded not guilty to the attempted murder of her boyfriend.  Big freaking deal.  Lots of people shoot other people in California, but the shooter in this case happens to be a PMOY from 42 years ago, and had a role in Rosemary’s Baby.  So really, this is just another violent crime, but must appear on the internet because the alleged perpetrator was once sort of famous for some stuff.  We hate to break it to you, lots of people, but famous folks in many ways are just like you and me, but famous.  They eat, sleep, poop, work, and commit crimes just like you!  Except that most of you haven’t yet shot your significant other.  Let’s keep it that way, because you probably won’t get in the papers if you do.

3.  Famous Exes Sort of Run Into Each Other:

Remember when Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson had a marriage and a show about it called Newlyweds?  Both of those ended, and both of the players moved on to other things and people.  By confluence of fate last Thursday, though, Lachey and Simpson ended up at the same restaurant at the same time, with their current partners!  But they never came face-to-face!  And a source says that although they don’t maintain contact, they have an amicable relationship, so if they had seen each other, no sparks probably would have flown!  Which means this isn’t really a story at all!

4.  The French Take to the Streets:

Frenchmen and –women are protesting in the streets over a proposal to raise the retirement age to 62.  This may shock the non-French reader, but the French protest everything.  They already have protests planned to protest the end of the protests.

Thanks, entertainment media, for making a non-meeting meeting of amicable exes seem like a Near-Earth Orbit near-miss!