TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending November 13, 2010)

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  Kanye West Pisses People Off Again:

Remember when Kanye West said that George Bush doesn’t care about black people?  Mike Myers sure does!  Remember when Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s VMA acceptance speech?  Everyone on the planet sure does!  Remember all the other dumb shit that Kanye has said and done?  Kanye apparently does not, because he keeps saying and doing dumb shit.  His latest PR flub involves cancelling his Nov. 26 Today performance because earlier this week Today host Matt Lauer asked him some questions and showed video of the above incidents.  Guess what, Kanye?  You’ll keep getting asked because, whether or not people agreed with your messages, they were extremely inappropriately timed.  And even though you’ve apologized, you validate people’s poor opinion of you by continuing to be a petulant gaffe machine.  In fact, you’re still so toxic that Playgirl turned down pictures of your dick!  You need to dedicate the next two years to high-profile charity work to rehabilitate your image, or simply not do stupid stuff at inopportune times on national TV.  The charity work will probably be easier for you.

Heidi and Spencer, protecting the sacred institution of private marriage, public marriage recreation, fake divorce, and marriage renewal.

2. Heidi and Spencer to Renew Their Vows:

Speidi screw around with their marriage more than Brett Favre retires and unretires.  First they got married—or did they?  They did, then got married on The Hills so that everyone could see.  Then they hit a rough patch and filed for divorce, except that they admitted that the divorce petition was just a publicity ploy and that everything was fine.  Now they’re just so happy with each other that they’re renewing their vows, just a few months after their not-really divorce filing.  What a great couple!  TBTS wishes them the best of luck in their whatever they’re doing, and hope that they honeymoon somewhere remote and for some reason never come back!

3.  Angelina Jolie Gives Another Interview:

Jolie “opens up” in the December issue of Vogue, resulting in her 1,500,000^th interview, 1,250,000 of which have featured her “opening up.”  If you want to hear Jolie “open up” about her home life, her nannies, why and when she’s still in love with Brad, the precious and precocious Pax and Zahara and Maddox and Shiloh and Knox and Vivienne and Layla and Shyla and Staxx and Madness and Mingh and Mxyzptlk and HeHateMe, then you should totally buy that issue.  Or just read all the other interviews and piece together Brangelina’s entire lives public and private.  Seriously, every single knowable past detail about Angelina and Brad has already been published.  Henceforth, then, all interviews with them will have to deal only with things that have happened privately—all of their public movements are recorded from at least 12 angles—since November 13, 2010.  So watch for People’s exclusive mid-December interview, “What Angelina Thinks About Judge Judy’s Verdicts of Thursday, December 9, Which She Watched While Brad Bathed Whichever Kids Aren’t Old Enough to Bathe Themselves.”

4.  Democracy Activist Freed:

Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi was released from house arrest by Myanmar’s military government after 7 ½ years of…holy crap—college basketball started this week?  Go Cats!

Thanks, entertainment media, for reporting on Speidi’s sacred multiple nuptials slightly fewer times than Angelina Jolie has been interviewed!