The Entertation Index: November 29

Prince Chunk always loved the Turkey Jalapeno Melt with meowstard and Clawsens pickles. *sniff*

Chunk, Prince – A cat that once weighed 44 pounds died in New Jersey last week.  Prince Chunk had dropped nearly half his weight when he was adopted from the shelter, and was just starting his career as a Subway pitchcat known as Jared Furrgle.  (Oh my god, I’m so sorry for publishing that joke.)

Link: Fat Cat Dies (EW)

Impossible, Mission: — Reports indicate that The Hurt Locker’s Jeremy Renner will be assuming the action movie franchise’s lead role from Tom Cruise.  For those afraid that this will change the series, take heart, because Mission: Impossible plots rely solely on latex face masks, sunglasses, and fake voices, so it won’t matter who takes over.

Link: M:I Changes (MTV)

James, Joslyn – Tiger Woods’ alleged porn star mistress visited West Hollywood’s House of Blues last week to celebrate her nomination for an AVN award, a sort of adult film Oscar.  Several spectators wondered aloud if she could “take them all.”

Link: James’ Celebration (Celebuzz)

Nelson, Willie – The legendary country singer and hemp activist was arrested at a Texas border checkpoint when an officer smelled marijuana coming from Nelson’s tour bus.  A search turned up 6 ounces of pot, which Nelson claimed was his.  The officer, however, did not realize that the bus itself was made out of weed.

Link: Nelson Busted (Huffington Post)

Neilsen, Leslie — The Naked Gun and Airplane! star died in Fort Lauderdale last evening from complications of pneumonia at age 84. There’s a whole lot of good comedy and a whole lot of terrible comedy in the world, but Leslie Nielsen was a big part of the good. He will be definitely missed, remembered and quoted until the end of time.

Link: Leslie Nielsen Dies at 84 (NY Times)

Swift, Taylor – The singing sensation spent early Thanksgiving Day drinking maple lattes with boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal.  She accidentally dumped pepper, mouse turds, and metal shavings into hers, but since she can do no wrong, this new flavor, “The Swiftie,” has become the most popular drink of all time and has sold 12 trillion units.

Link: Swift Spends Thanksgiving with Jake (People)

Zolciak, Kim – The Real Housewife of Atlanta recently announced she was pregnant…and was then photographed smoking.  Unfortunately, this will probably not be the worst choice that Zolciak makes during her pregnancy.

Link: Pregnant Zolciak Smokes (TMZ)