The Entertation Index: December 20

Wait a minute. Your sign advertised clean sheets!

Beefheart, Captain – The always weird and sometimes brilliant Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart, died Friday at age 69.  If there is a funeral or service, you probably wouldn’t understand it, but would think you did if you were really baked.

Link: Beefheart Dies (Gawker)

Danner, Blythe – Danner told Us Magazine that she has used botox to maintain smoother, younger-looking skin.  Entertainment reporters noticed and complimented the 67-year-old Little Fockers actress, who attempted to smile but accidentally pulled a muscle in her face.

Link: Danner Does Botox (Us Magazine)

Hilton, Paris – Remember Paris?  Well, to remind, you she’s issued a new holiday greeting card which features her in a sort of bell-hoppy situation.  Though to be honest, if she were delivered to my room I would send her back with “sorry, there’s something wrong with this one.”

Link: Hilton’s Holiday Card (People)

Kunis, Mila – The Black Swan actress doesn’t believe that Miley Cyrus was smoking the legal (in CA) substance salvia on the infamous bong video.  “She was smoking some weed!” hypothesized Kunis on Lopez Tonight.  Side note: the federal government still keeps marijuana illegal due to its supposed deleterious physical and mental effects, yet Cyrus’s “Party in the U.S.A.” is still legal.

Link: Mila on Miley (Celebuzz)

Portwood, Amber – The Teen Mom actress decided that she never wanted to lose two-year-old daughter Leah to Department of Child Protective Services again, so she decided to show her commitment by getting a huge tattoo of her child on her torso.  This is also how Portwood explains her Lifehouse tattoo, which she got after accidentally deleting “You and Me” from her iPod.

Link: Mom Gets Tattoo (Radar Online)

2, Shakespeare In Love – The Weinstein Company and Miramax have announced their intention to create a sequel to 1998 Best Picture Winner Shakespeare in Love.  Thank heavens—I can’t wait to see how it ends!

Link: Sequel to Shakespeare In Love (The Hollywood Reporter)