The Entertation Index: January 20

Gosselin, Jon — The Jon & Kate Plus Eight star/husband has allegedly left the public eye for a new job in sales marketing, making cold calls for a company called Global Green Property Services. Gosselin claims he’s committed to the new job…at least up until his boss becomes slightly difficult and Gosselin inevitably departs to snort coke on a yacht and host a pool party at the Palms Hotel Casino for a rival property management service, he was readin a SlotsReview online to better his gaming skills.

Link: Jon Gosselin is Finally Back at a Normal Job (HollywoodNews)

Gyllenhall, Jake — The Love and Other Drugs star has apparently moved on from young ingenue Taylor Swift as he showed up at the Golden Globes with Rilo Kiley frontwoman and indie darling Jenny Lewis, prompting musical scholars to start looking for the the Gyllenhall references in Swift’s next album. Good luck finding something that rhymes with “Prince of Persia,” Taylor!

Link: Meet Jake Gyllenhall’s Golden Globe Date (HuffPo)

Octomom — TMZ has released the first glimpses of Nadya “The Octomom” Suleman’s upcoming fetish porn video, in which she uses a bullwhip to punish a grown, moustachioed man dressed as a giant baby. It’s only natural, really, that she’d go with something like this, as the last time Suleman was relevant it was for being stuffed full of eight people at one time.

Link: Octomom — The Baby-Whipping Fetish Video Photos (TMZ)

O’Reilly, Bill — The O’Reilly Factor figurehead is currently in a standoff with Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi after the talk host sent a crew to ambush the Jersey Shore star at a recent bookstore signing for her novel A Shore Thing. Insiders say the feud stems from an ongoing competition between the two over who has less relevant things to offer society.

Link: Bill O’Reilly Ambushes Snooki (Warming Glow)

Philbin, Regis — Tuesday morning saw the announcement that eighty year-old talk show host Regis Philbin will be stepping down from his longtime post as host of Live with Regis and Kelly, which was formerly Live with Regis and Kathie Lee. Philbin gracefully announced at a taping that “everything must come to an end for some people on camera,” and says he is looking forward to spending his golden years outside the company of energetic blonde women who won’t shut up.

Link: Regis Philbin to Leave “Live with Regis and Kelly (NY Times)

Snooki — See: O’Reilly, Bill

Tequila, Tila — According to E! News Online, former MySpace star and certifiably insane pseud0-celebrity Tila Tequila has been dating former Carmen Electra flame and Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro for over six months. For those wishing to express their well-wishes for Navarro and Tequila, the couple is registered at “rock bottom.”

Link: Yuck Couple of the Moment — Tila Tequila and Dave Navarro (E!)

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