The Entertation Index: April 18

Busey, Gary – The sanity-challenged Celebrity Apprentice contestant is surprising people by not being fired.  The simple explanation: we live in one of the random realities Busey keeps creating where he still works for Donald Trump.

Link: Busey Still Going (EW)

This British Invasion will fail, as Americans will not stand for white pants.

Couple, The Royal – Kate Middleton, who will marry Prince William this month, participated in what was billed a “dry run” of their wedding recently.  That settles it: apparently everything about the British is dry.

Link: Royal Wedding (The Sun)

Diddy – Sean “Puffy Spice” Combs has been turned down by several clubs after asking for up to $45,000 to host an after-party to his own Dirty Diddy Money tour in New York this month.  After realizing no one cares about him anymore, Diddy accepted $5 and a Buy-One-Get-One Volcano Burrito coupon from a drunk couple outside a Newark Taco Bell to sing “that one song about Biggie.”

Link: No Money Mo Problems (NY Post)

Girardi, Vienna –The former Bachelor winner says she’s nervous about dating again after her break-up with Jake Pavelka.  Actually, Girardi is rumored to be unsure of any relationship that can’t be immediately monetized.

Link: Girardi Back in the Game (People)

Hacking, Gmail – An “epidemic” of Gmail hacking is supposedly burning up the internets, so Brown Tweed would like you to know that we do not (yet) sell amazing weight loss pills or have any knowledge of your length or girth.  We do, however, accept payments to expedite foreign lottery winnings.

Link: Gmail Gaffled (Gawker)

Lane, Sarah – The Black Swan dancing double is still claiming that Natalie Portman did minimal amounts of the very complex ballet in the movie.  People who find this shocking should also be aware that Tom Cruise did not do any of the flying in Top Gun, and that those probably weren’t really “reindeer tracks” on your back porch on Christmas Eve.

Link: Portman’s Double (MovieLine)